Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Seven

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I had ignored it for days, not wanting to hear the brokenness in the voice of someone who loved me so much. I didn't want to accept the fact that I had hurt him-- that I may have hurt him beyond compare. My heart constricted just as it had done so many times before as I reached into my pocket and answered the phone, pressing the cold surface to my face.

"H-Hello?" Just as predicted, my voice shook violently as I stared blankly ahead. I was distant even then, physically and mentally, and I was afraid that it may hurt him even more.

"Donghae, I'm coming to get you. Tell me were you are, right now." Hyukjae was forceful, his usually smooth voice loud and almost inconsiderate in my ear... But his voice shook slightly-- Just barely. "You're coming home."

My bottom lip quivered as I glanced around at the unfamiliar scenery that surrounded me from every side. My head began to pound, as if hundreds of elephants were trampling around in it. It was so loud and uncomfortable that it took me a minute to realize that Hyukjae was calling my name.

"I would tell you where I am--" I paused, looking around once more. "But I don't even know where  I am. Hyuk... Hyukjae, please-- come find me. Im so scared. I'm so... So lost. I just--"

"Just keep talking, Donghae. Im coming. Im going to find you. Just keep talking to me,"  Hyukjae sounded desperate-- that, or I was imagining things. It wouldn't have been surprising if I was.

"I-I miss him, Hyukjae," Without even realizing it, I began to walk down the street, tears suddenly streaming down my face; I was a mess. "I miss Kyuhyun so much."

Silence. And then, "I know, Donghae. I do too. But I miss you more. Keep talking. Tell me about... about us. Tell me how much you love me."

As I was walking, cars zoomed past me, the wind they created blowing my hair in every direction, making it even harder to see. "I'm so sorry, Hyukjae. I.. I love you so much. Losing Kyuhyun sent me off the edge, but I forgot about you in all of the stress I felt. I just lo--"

The phone slipped from my hand as I saw Hyukjae climb out of a car that had just barely passed me. He ran to me, holding my frail, indecent body in his strong yet gentle arms. From both of us, the tears cane endlessly. My tears were selfish, though-- I was merely crying over the fact that Kyuhyun was still gone, even now. In retrospect, I didn't even care than Hyukjae had found me.

Because in all reality, I was never going to be truly found again. I had lost everything worth being there for. So I was just a measly pierrot for all of those around me.

An empty shell of my past self was all that remained.