Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Nine

Hyukjae propped me in front of the rest of group, watching me closely as he sat down next to me. As a matter of fact, as I glanced around the room at people I knew so well, everyone was staring me down intensely. I opened my mouth to question the sudden meeting, but I was suddenly cut off.

"Can you take another person being added to the group, Donghae?" Shindong stood in front of me, his eyes locking with mine. "Leeteuk decided that because... Kyuhyun... Is gone... We're going to have another person join the group."

My eyes flashed to Zhou Mi, the newest member in the group; the one who replaced Sungmin. Kyuhyun had resented his presence ever since he joined because of the fact that he was a mere replacement. In Kyuhyun's eyes, it wasn't right to replace someone like Sungmin. And that was my thought about replacing Kyuhyun. I didn't want to replace him with some other person who would just make me forget about him.

But if I were to say that, I would cause even more chaos than what I've already done. So I just nodded, keeping my expression as neutral as I could. I knew what would come of the new member; he would be resented by me the most. I wouldn't accept him. And it would be a fatal mistake of mine, because it would mean I'd still be attached to my dead best friend.

"Are you sure?" Leeteuk stared me down hard, which encouraged the others to be more forceful with their gazes. "Is he sure, Eunhyuk?"

He glanced at Hyukjae, and when he said a different name than what I was used to, I turned and glared at Hyukjae. "Eunhyuk. Like 'silver', right? So you go by a totally different name now?"

"I... It's just a nickname, Donghae. I'm still the Hyukjae you know," He took my hand, then turned to Leeteuk. "He's positive about the new member, Leeteuk. Let's bring him in tomorrow... Or today, whichever's better."

"He's scheduled for today." So they were going to have him join even if I didn't want to. Well... Then again, they knew that I never would have liked the new member joining anyway. But asking me was a waste of time if they knew that.

A few hours later, I was dragged into our usual meeting place. There was a baby-faced, young man in the center if the room, glancing nervously around at the warm faces that surrounded him. Then his gaze settled on me, and his smile dropped. Quickly turning away from me and looking at Zhou Mi, he smiled once more.

"I'm actually quite glad to be a part of this band. Really, I am," He looked around at everyone else in the room, pausing once again at me. "My name is Henry Lau. And... I'm not trying to replace anyone at all, if that's what anyone thinks. I don't want to seem like I am, so... Please, don't think of me as that type of person."

He kept his gaze on me, smiling softly. I decided then that he was nice enough, but I had to decide whether or not I truly liked him overtime. Kyuhyun would have wanted me to at least try; he did the same thing with Zhou Mi when he first came.

So now it was my turn. "My name is Donghae, and I've lost everything that truly mattered to me. I'm... I'm sorry if sometimes I turn out to be a total jerk at times, or as if I'm just not here. But that's only because you, Henry Lau, are taking Kyuhyun's rightful place in this group, and you have absolutely no right to be a part of this group. You have no right to come in here, expecting everyone to be all cheery and excepting. Because do you really want to know why you're a part of this group? You and Zhou Mi are only here because my two best friends died, and now you both are mere replacements of the two people who actually mattered, unlike you, who--"

Hyukjae came up behind me and clamped his hand over my mouth, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me backwards. I struggled, tears streaming down my face. Hyukjae pulled me up into our room, slamming the door and locking it, throwing me onto the bed.

"You had to do that, didn't you? You had to make him feel absolutely wonderful about joining the group?" Hyukjae spat the words coldly at me as I sat on the bed, sobbing helplessly. It was unusual for me to be so emotional, but all of the feelings that had been cooped up inside of me suddenly burst from the seams.

I looked up at Hyukjae, wiping the tears from my eyes. When I spoke, my voice was raspy, and I could barely choke out the words that almost made me want to cry even more.

"I'm a monster."