Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Twelve

It took me a long time to really notice that I was the reason that there was no more Super Junior. But if I had stayed... Wouldn't it have resulted in the same thing? I sat on the bed, fiddling with the folded up piece of paper that Henry had given me the day I left. I still hadn't looked at it, and it had been weeks. With a sudden burst of determination, I unfolded the paper gently.

Only a few things were written on it. Scrawled neatly in the center was a phone number. Underneath it, Henry's neat handwriting made the letters seem to flow beautifully into one another. It said, "Call me if you need anything; anything at all. I will always be here, even if you don't want me to". And then a well-placed signature of Henry Lau residing peacefully at the bottom of the paper.

He wanted me to go to him; to depend on him. In a sense, I was glad that he was there for me. But then Sungmin's words came back to me, and as I though more and more about it, my head began to pound. It felt as though Sungmin had left a little piece of him inside of me, and that little piece had kept urging me and convincing me that I shouldn't be so dependent on others. That's why I left Hyukjae, after all. So he wouldn't have to look after me. So I wouldn't bother him anymore.

Determination flared up once again in me, which then compelled me to pick up my phone and dial the number Henry left for me. I stared for a long time at the phone, my finger hovering over the call button. After a few minutes, I simply saved his number into my phone and slumped ungraciously onto the bed. What if I did call him? What would I say? I couldn't go back... Not yet. I picked up my phone, went to Henry's contact, and after a few more seconds of hesitation, I decided to call him. The phone rang a few times, then I heard Henry's gentle voice asking who it was.

"Henry," I paused, letting it sink in that it was me. "Henry, please, don't let them fine me. I can't face any of them right now, especially not Hyukjae. I know Sungmin told me just yesterday that I don't need anyone but... But Henry, I need someone. No one else is willing to help me but my dead best friend and his lover."

"Wait, what? Donghae," Henry sounded concerned on the other line, but his voce was hushed. "Can you meet me somewhere? I can't talk right now. Everyone's here at the house."

I was silent for a few seconds, my mind racing. "Sure. I guess. Where? When? I-I'm... I'm so confused, Henry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Henry sighed on the other line, and I could almost sense the plan forming in his mind. "Tonight. Meet me outside the house. My mom has a house a few blocks down that she lets me use, and we can stay there for a bit. Make sure that you aren't exactly... Obvious... That you're there. I'll see you then, okay? Just... Be careful until then, promise, Donghae?"

"Yeah. Bye, Henry," I hung up, throwing my phone back onto the bed and turning around to see Kyuhyun standing in front of me with his arms crossed. "O-Oh, hi Kyu."

Silence. Kyuhyun stared at me, shaking his head ever so slightly in total disgust. He must've heard. I was connecting with the very person that I was so inclined to ignore beforehand. I wanted to look away from him; I wanted so badly to look away. But I couldn't bring myself to drop my gaze.

"Kyuhyun, hear me out--" He shook his head at me, and suddenly his figure became blurry and nearly transparent. "Kyuhyun, wait! I'm taking steps! I'm righting myself! I'm achieving perfection, just like you and Sungmin!"

Before he disappeared completely, his disgusted expression became even more of one. "No, Donghae, you are not."

Then he was gone, and I slumped onto the bed dejectedly. "Why do I only seem to see dead people now?"