Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Thirteen

"Listen to me; You can fly, and you can soar. You can set all of the wheels in motion. You can open any door. You can sail the wildest ocean. Because you can achieve things as long as you start by listening closely to your heart. Is this," Henry gestured to my thin figure, his eyes darting wildly around my face. "What your heart truly wants? Do you really want to go just like this Sungmin person did? Do you want to die just like Kyuhyun; alone and afraid? Do you want--"

"I don't know what I want!!!" The words tumbled out of my mouth angrily. "I don't know what I'm even supposed to want! Is there a limit to how perfect you can get? I-Is there a limit to what perfection actually is? Is there... Is... I--"

Henry suddenly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. I accepted defeat right then, if only for a little while, as I began to sob helplessly into his chest. I was a total mess, and I knew that if I hadn't gone to Henry when I did, things would have been much different than what they were. I would have fallen into a hole I dug for myself, and no one would have helped me back out. Henry was my haven.

"You don't need to be this... This 'perfect' specimen that Sungmin wanted you to be. Kyuhyun followed Sungmin's footsteps blindly," Suddenly, my mind completely shut down; everything I had been accustomed to having back-- emotions, concentration, awareness-- it was all gone. "You can be ten times better than both of them; I know you can, Donghae. You just need to put your mind to it."

I realized it was dark outside when I allowed my gaze to wander from Henry's somewhat hurt face to the window across the room. Henry sighed, and then I felt his hands slide down my body and fall to his sides. After a few seconds of silence, he brought his hands up and rubbed them up and down my arms in some sort of calming gesture, and suddenly my entire body relaxed. I leaned over to Henry, not entirely conscious of what I was doing, and kissed him full on the lips. As our lips touched, Hyukjae's face popped up in my mind, and I got lost in my past memories. Henry pulled away at last, his face flushed slightly as he stared at me.

"Do... Do you want a drink?" Henry got up, suddenly avoiding my gaze, and opened the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of wine.

I shook my head, the image of Hyukjae there every time I looked at Henry. "I promised my father I wouldn't drink."

Henry nodded mindlessly, pouring himself a cup and drinking it in one sitting. He gulped the entire bottle of wine down eventually, and after a half an hour of complete silence between us, Henry slammed the cup on the counter, making me jump in surprise.

"D-Donghae, you don't need to change. You're perfect just the way you are," Henry was repeating his previous words, maybe for emphasis, but I wasn't sure. "D-Don't listen to Sungmin and Kyuhyun. I love you just the wa--"

And then he kissed me, just like how I had spontaneously kissed him before. He pushed me onto the bed and sat next to me, his lips gently pressing against mine. I allowed him to kiss me, too. All I could think about was how similar he and Hyukjae were, or at least before Hyukjae became oblivious of my love. Henry wanted me. I could tell.

But perfection came at a price.