Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Fourteen

Henry tried so hard for the week after the kisses we shared to get in my head. He wanted to break me down from the inside out, to make me be his. We hadn't spoken of the unconscious kissing that took place when he was drunk, but it was on his mind; that much was obvious. He became more touchy with me; he slipped his hand into mine whenever he thought that I wasn't paying much attention. But in reality, ever since my main focus has shifted to Henry instead of Hyukjae, I had become even more attentive. And it was all because of my Henry.

I stared at Henry as he walked over towards me and slipped his hand into mine once again. He sat down next to me gently and I turned to him, physically acknowledging him, which made his features brighten.

He was so much like Hyukjae that it hurt. Sometimes, my mind would wander, and only the familiar stroking if his fingers up and down my back brought me back to reality. Hyukjae had done it so many times before; it was what kept me stabilized. Henry knew it, too; whenever he felt me drift away from him, his fingers danced up and down my spine in the familiar loving gesture.

Now, as we sat facing each other, my mind raced. What was love? Was it what Hyukjae and I used to have? Was it what Kyuhyun and Sungmin had? Was it what Kyuhyun and I had before he died? Or was it what Henry and I had now? Henry leaned in close to me, his lips brushing my ear slightly as he whispered into it.

"You can be my perfect little Donghae," I felt his breath graze my ear, and then he pulled back gently.

And then our lips met in something like a passionate kiss. It was the first kiss without either of us being oblivious of our actions. Our lips never parted, but my mind drifted. Hyukjae. The first kiss that I shared with Hyukjae flashed in my head. Without thinking straight, I pulled away from Henry, pushing him further away from me. I stood up, grabbing at my hair in exasperation.

"I can't! Henry, I can't! There's only Hyukjae for me, and... And perfection. You, as much as you may seem like the perfect match, or... Or... How it may seem that we actually have something..." I grabbed my coat off of the back of the door and made to leave. "There is nothing here. I'm waiting for perfection, and you... Your love... Is hindering me. I can't do this anymore."

And I turned around and walked out of the door, leaving a stricken Henry sitting on the bed all alone. I walked out into the cold night air, my breath visible as I walked way from the place that kept me safe for such a long time. Cold wind brushed my face and blew my hair in every direction, making my eyes water. I walked down the street aimlessly, my mind wandering yet again. There was no Henry. There was no Hyukjae, even. All that was left was perfection and I, and there was only one step left for me to take.

Ankles crossed. Hands clasped. Eyes forward. Jaw set. Straight back. Just like Sungmin told me. Follow the simple steps to perfection, and it'll come to you. Allow the things that hinder you to fade away, even people; because you need no one but yourself.

I walked into the empty street, spreading my arms wide as the wind-inflicted tears streamed down my cheeks. "I'm ready, Kyuhyun! I'm ready for your help!!"

I collapsed onto my knees, my arms dropping to my sides as reals tears made their way past my eye lids. I looked up, seeing Kyuhyun standing there with a small smile on his face. He held out a hand to me, staying completely silent as a knowing smirk took over the smile that was there before.

So I stood up, my face wet with tears of imperfection, and slid my hand into his. I knew it was inevitable, and I accepted it. Because perfection came at a price, and despite how I never saw it before, I was the payment.

Thus, it was the beginning of the perfection that I had finally achieved.