Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Ten

I amounted to nothing. I had made a really bad first impression. I made Hyukjae upset. He hadn't spoken to me since I exploded, and in a sense, it kind of hurt. Sometimes, I would find myself wandering around our house, aimlessly walking in and out of rooms. I would earn worried glances from some of the people in our group and angered glances from others. But all of those looks didn't hurt me. What actually hurt is that Hyukjae never looked at me.

Henry, despite the horrible way I treated him, never gave me a worried or angered glance. Instead, he gave me more of an apologetic gaze with a soft smile every time our eyes locked. It's not that I hated Henry, it's just that I couldn't stand the fact that he was here and Kyuhyun was not. I was so mad-- not at anything or anyone else, but all of my anger was directed back at myself.

Even Hyukjae was mad at me. I did everything wrong. I let him down, and now... Now I had to make it up to him. I was going to leave him alone; I was going to leave altogether. There would be no more Lee Donghae in Super Junior-- there would be no more Lee Donghae in everyone else's mind. There would only be twelve members of Super Junior; no one would have to worry about the mentally insane Lee Donghae that does nothing but upset the people that he loved the most.

Because that's all I do-- let people down.

I sat on the bed that Hyukjae and I shared so many times before. He was in the bathroom, taking his time in the shower. Despite the fact that we were always in the same room, we never spoke. The shower went silent, and a few minutes later he strolled quietly out of the bathroom. I stared at the back of his head, willing him to turn and look at me. But he didn't. And I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

He went back into the bathroom with some clothes, shutting the door gently. As quickly as I could, without making much noise, I searched for his wallet. When I found it, I took as much as I dared to take: a fifty and a twenty. I shoved the money into my pocket, grabbed my phone off of the bed, and nearly ran out of the room. Then, without giving myself a chance to second-guess, I aimed to leave.

But I was stopped by a hand grabbing me gently on the shoulder. Fearing that Hyukjae had caught me, I turned to face my consequences. Instead of it being Hyukjae, though, there was Henry, smiling slightly as I stared him down. Confused and a bit scared, I pulled away from him, still staring straight at him.

"You look like a guilty puppy that was just caught peeing on the floor," Henry smiled warmly, sliding pieces if paper into my hand and closing my fingers around them. "You know, you're perfect just being yourself. Just saying."

I looked down at my hand, opening it slowly, and was surprised at what I saw. Two of the pieces of paper were two fifty dollar bills, the other one being a folded up piece of lined paper. With a slightly shocked expression, I looked back up at Henry. Rather than retaliating or even saying a word to him, I just barely nodded at him. His smile widened, then he turned and walked away.

"You don't need anyone but yourself," Sungmin's voice resonated in my head. But instead of it being how it usually was, I felt as though he was standing directly behind me saying those words. I turned around and saw my reflection in the mirror-- only... It was Sungmin. But when I blinked, it was me standing there, and Sungmin was gone.

Shaking my head, I turned and walked out of the house with nothing but useless memories, a little bit of money, and my phone. As i walked away from what I though i knew best, feelings of anger arose in me. What did Henry know about perfection? I didn't need him telling me if I was perfect or not.

As I rounded a corner, a flash of a familiar face caught my attention out if all of the people walking on the street. I turned and looked back at the person who had just walked past me, only to find that he was looking bak directly at me as well. And to my surprise, it was Sungmin. But that's impossible, I though, Sungmin is dead. I walked up to him, pure shock registering in me as I realized that it truly was him.

"You don't need Hyukjae," Sungmin leaned close and whispered in my ear, pulling away slowly and smirking devilishly before turning and walking away from me.

"W-Wait! Sungmin, don't leave me!"

But he kept on walking and rounded the corner that I had previously walked around. I followed him, desperate to talk to him one last time. But when I rounded the corner, he was gone.

Sungmin had disappeared yet again.