Eyes Wide Open

Chapter Eleven

I had been seeing Sungmin, alive and well, for days on end. Sometimes, he'd sit on the edge of my hotel bed and just talk to me, telling me what it was like to be perfect. It'd feel like it'd only been a few minutes that we had been talking, but I soon came to realize that it was really hours at a time. He'd appear, and hours later, he'd be gone again.

Sometimes, I wish that I could see Kyuhyun the way I saw Sungmin. Then things would be easier for me to be off on my own, living in a hotel. Kyuhyun's presence would make it even better than Sungmin's did. Thing is, I never questioned why I saw Sungmin. I was just glad that he was actually there.

I threw myself into a chair in front of the hotel TV and turned it on, aimlessly flipping through the channels. Lately, I was returning to  my emotionless, oblivious self. Nothing really fazed me anymore, and i just really didn't care.

A picture of Super Junior torn jaggedly down the middle caught my attention. "The famous boy band 'Super Junior' has announced their disbanding, saying that they have been quite unstable after the deaths of members Lee Sungmin and Cho Kyuhyun, along with the sudden disappearance of member Lee Donghae."

Strangely, the words had no effect on me. "To me, Donghae meant a lot. But... We had gotten into an argument right before his disappearance. I fear as though I may be the cause if his leaving. So... Donghae, if you're watching or listening to this, i'm sorry. You're like a brother to me-- no, you're more. Please, come back to us. We all miss you, and it was wrong that we treated you the way we did. If you want, we don't even need to come back as Super Junior. Just as friends."

Hyukjae was on the screen, tears streaming slowly down his face. He mumbled a half-hearted "sorry" and walked off-camera. The wheels in my head began turning-- what if I did go back? What would it be like if I returned? Just as the scene on the TV changed to Henry's unusually saddened face, the TV suddenly went black, shutting off. I went to reach for the remote, turning slightly, but a figure I saw out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.

Kyuhyun was standing there, holding the remote up at the TV with a disgusted look on his face. I stared wondrously at him, my eyes wide as I kept my eyes locked on the man that I had thought to be dead. Honestly, I wasn't all that surprised that I saw him there; I had been seeing Sungmin, after all.

Kyuhyun stood there limply, then turned and looked at me. "They are all lying. Hyukjae doesn't care about you anymore. Leeteuk just wants the group to stay together so that he can suck up all of the fame. Sungmin was always right-- being with them was distracting. They always hinder the perfection to come to you. Once you're on your own, like now, like how I was, you can do it."

"I believe in you, Donghae. You can be perfect just like Sungmin and I. Just let me help you," He extended a hand towards me. "Sungmin helped me, just like how I'm helping you."

I shook my head, backing away from him slightly. "W-Wait, Kyuhyun, I-I'm not ready yet. I haven't achieved the perfection that you and Sungmin have. I can't accept your help right now."

Kyuhyun stared at me, slightly surprised, then dropped all expression and shrugged. "Whatever."

I looked at the ground guiltily, then looked back up at where Kyuhyun stood. Only... He wasn't there anymore. Just like Sungmin, Kyuhyun had left me to be alone. I sighed, sinking helplessly back into the chair. Not only did I let down people that were alive and so close to me, but I also let down my dead best friend.