This is a wasteland.

Slow dancing in a burning room.

I've locked myself inside of my room for 4 days now, tomorrow is the anniversary of my fathers death and all I've been doing is listening to the same songs and crying. Rocky was the one carrying me to my bed the other night and I begged Em not to tell him why I cried. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me, I didn't really want anybody feeling sorry for me.

Nobody's home so I decided to go out for a cigarette, and maybe watch some tv for once. I can't just lay in bed an feel sorry for myself, I'm pretty sure that Em have told all of the Lynche's including Ratliff about why I'm so down but honestly I don't care anymore.

I laid down on the couch and started the sound system and put on music, I went out to the kitchen to grab a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I wasn't really a big drinker but Jack Daniel's was one of the few strong drinks I liked, I put the bottle on the table and poured myself a drink and laid my head back with the drink in my hand. The music was blasting through the speakers and I didn't hear people coming and before I knew it someone turned the music down but I didn't move.

- I was kinda listening to that.. I said without looking up.
- How much have you been drinking? Em sounded like a mother.
- I don't know, a few a guess.. I answered shortly.
- There is some people here to see you.. She said quietly.
- Are you sending me to a mental home? I chuckled a bit.
- No she's not but if you feel like you need a lift there I can help you! A voice said. Ross.

I sat up and opened my eyes to see 7 familiar faces looking at me with a bit of worrying in their eyes, I sighed and laid back again. I didn't really want them to look at me like that.

- I guess Em told you and that's fine, but please do not get all sentimental on me ok? I crocked my head.
- I can't promise anything! Ratliff faked a tear.
- Dork! I laughed at him.

I sat up and rested my head in my hands, I felt empty and I didn't even know if I felt sad. I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself.. I have to get myself together.
- So what are you all doing here anyway? Watching me getting drunk? I smirked at them.
- I was planning getting drunk with you! Riker sat down next to me.
- What are we waiting on then? I laughed at him.

As everybody else started drinking and ordering pizza I went out on the balcony to get a cigarette, it was always calming me down whenever I needed it. Ross came out and sat beside me, he didn't speak and I rested my head against his shoulder and offered him a smoke.

We sat there in silent and smoked until he decided to speak up...
- I'm so sorry about your dad, I'll always be here for you whatever happens.. He said as he stroke my hair.
- Don't make promises you can't keep.. I answered quiet.
- I get that you have trust issues but before you decide that I'm not thrust worthy please give me a chance ok? I'm not only your friend with benefit I'm your best friend with benefits! He beamed at me.
- Okey then Shor.. I'll give you a chance only because you are just as fucked up as I am! I laughed at him.

When we came back inside everybody was talking and laughing, I sat on the floor and started talking to Ryland and we decided we wanted to play a drinking game. Everybody liked the idea and we decided to do a truth or dare kind of game but if you didn't answer or do the dare you'll drink!
- I'll go first! Em says quickly and looks directly at me. Truth or dare Molly? She smirked.
- Truth! I said and regretted is as the word came out of my mouth.
- Are you dating anyone? Everybody turned to me.
- No I don't! You know I don't date Em.. I laughed at her.
- Ok let me rephrase that then, are you fucking anyone? She smirked at me and I froze.
- Only myself if that counts? I started laughing hard.

Everybody just stared at me, Ross started laughing to and I couldn't breath.. Rocky looked at us with a puzzled look.

- Why are you to the only ones laughing? Riker asked suspiciously.
- It's a inside joke between me and Molly.. Ross answered as he stopped laughing and wiping his tears.
- Why does he know and I don't? Em whined.
- You had to be there to get it! I gave her a reassuring smile .

The night went on and we laughed and drank until early morning and everybody was asleep in the different rooms and beds in the apartment, Ross and Riker was sleeping in my room on the floor and Ross was lightly snoring. Riker and I was still awake and a bit drunk talking about life, we were having a conversation about some deep shit and out of nowhere he blurred out something that made my blood freeze.
- I know about you and Ross.. He says quietly.
- How? It was all I could get out.
- I know my little brother, I notice those things! He chuckles a bit.
- We are not dating, it's just simple sex nothing else.. I answer.
- Hey it's not my business but I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk, I'm here! Goodnight Molly! He yawns
- Goodnight Riker..

I laid awake just thinking about everything, maybe it was time that I started trusting more people then just Em, I need to learn how to trust people..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Flashback to Molly's fathers funeral.

Em sat next to me holding my hand hard, I hadn't said a word all day.. I just watched everybody else crying. Not being able to breath or think straight, this was to surreal to me, he promised that he would never leave me, he was my hero and my everything.

How was I supposed to go on without him? I always turned to him for advice or help, he had always guided me through life and never doubted me for a second.
The priest had just said something and it was no my turn to go up to the coffin and say my goodbyes, But how could I ever say goodbye to the only person who always had my back, whom I always had looked up to and loved with all my heart.

I stood at the coffin with Em's hand in mine, tears began to flow and I couldn't stop them. I hadn't cried for days and I needed to let out the pain, I started crying and screaming and Em just stood there with me and everybody was watching me. I felt someone standing beside me and saw my stepbrother looking at me with tears in his eyes, I fell to the floor still crying but no screaming.

I was carried out of the church and I sat down at a bench and took out a cigarette and started smoking, Em took one to and I knew she was in pain to because she never smoked if she wasn't upset or really mad.. I sat there not saying anything with tears still flowing down my face.

This was the worst day of my life.