S t a r g a z e r | COMPLETE

Ensnared

Shaking, exalted, fearful

Am I done with these delusions,

My nightmares?

Their powerful grip on me seems

Broken, but the chain still swings

Too close for comfort,

Threatening to drag me back

And tether me to that feverish state of

Obsession, of single minded pursuit

Of the very thing I now may have escaped.

Panting, eyes glazed over,

I vow to know what's real

But deep in the dungeons of my mind

Those inner demons, creatures of old

Cackle at my thoughts and promises

For they know they hold the reins

To steer me into that abyss of fascination

And I know not if I'll ever escape them

For I am at once enthralled and repulsed

By the very thought of their existence,

So close to my heart, yet so far from

Reality, I make myself believe

They're not real, these demons,

For that's what they truly are:

They sap me of energy, will, strength, and joy,

As I am locked in this endless battle

Cycling round, and I

Am like a moth against a candle

I will always return,

Drawn by the light and blackened by the flame,

And I wish with all my desperation

For those monsters haunting me

To be real, so much so that it's a physical ache,

But always I feel the need to run,

To distance myself from them.

One day, it seems I must give in

And pull to one side of this tug-of-war.

Where will I turn? Where does my

Heart lie? Perhaps most frightening of all,

What if the true place of my heart

Is not of this world, what then?

If what I yearn for truly is not?

How will that leave me - a shell?

Too many questions I cannot answer

As I gaze back at my prison,

Shivering, from the cold drafts still blowing

I ponder if I will ever be well.

For now, I shake off the remnants

Of dreams from the curious night,

Pale in the sunlight and daytime,

Almost laughable but for their dearness to me

And set off into the harsh reality.

Looking back, over my shoulder

At the chain still swinging,

Nay, welcoming me to the madness

Of what lurks in the darkest shadows.