stranger \\ cth

"let's be dumb together"

rewritten 7/9/16 (about two months after originally published bc wattled was a lil shit and deleted my first draft)


heeeeellllllloo (10 points if you read this in his voice lmao)

anyways hi friends, hope all is well

i just uploaded the second part of my brand new story doubt so pls go check that out of you enjoy a michael clifford or two

also has anyone gone to any tatinof shows yet? if so, how was it? (but no spoilers pls)

okie dokie ill see ya later

-

Nervous.

Calum had never been so nervous in his life.

Sure, he was pretty fucking nervous when he had to present in front of the entire class for some project that never did him any good in the long run. 

And hell yeah, he was seriously nervous when he decided to tell his parents he wanted to drop out of university to pursue music. 

But, then and there, standing outside that coffee shop and looking at the entrance, Calum's nerves topped the scale. 

He thought about all the laughs, the late night texts, and the memories he and Ella had created. He knew that she was inside. And Calum knew that there would be a lot more to do in order to repair their relationship; more than just walking through a door. But he found himself unable to move. Unable to take the first steps. 

His breath staggered as he stared at his glossy reflection through the shop's door. He looked at himself, inhaled in, and pushed it open. 

Getting through the door was one thing. Finding the courage to move to the booth where he saw her, as her hands reached up to tuck  a loose strand of hair away form her face and her face buried deep in a book, that was a whole different situation. Everything was so much more surreal when he saw her again. It was almost as if everything that has happened was peaking at the moment. But as his body was frozen in place, the line at the front of the shop grew, and Calum was forced to move. 

Pushed towards a fresh start that he knew he wanted but was undeniably scared to ask for, Calum took a final deep breath.

 One leg in front of the other. 

Again and again.

 Keep going. 

"Hi."

- 

 She knew this was going to happen.  She knew that she was going to take one goddamn look at him, and instantly forget everything that tore them apart. She had tried so hard not to give into him so quick; to give him a chance to explain, and then they could both forget together. All her efforts to no avail, as the second she saw him, her heart jumped and everything vanished. 

The pain. 

The hatred. 

The regret. 

She forgave everything in that second, and it took all she had not to jump  into his arms, much like the night they met. 

Calum slid into the opposite side of the booth. 

"Hi," he said, voice audible, but barely. He looked down, ashamed. 

She smiled widely, although he was not looking. She playfully kicked him underneath the table, trying to see his eyes again. He looked up, and grinned as well. Her smile softened. 

"Hey, Cal."

- 

They avoided the subject for a long time. He had made his way across the booth and next to her, laughing at something as they people watched together. They both knew that they were due for an explanation, one from  each side, but neither knew how to initiate it, and neither really wanted to. But as fate took over yet again, silence fell between the two, and Ella felt her insides churn. 

"Cal..." she began, hesitant as she knew that the memories that were about to resurface were not kind ones. "We need to-"

"I know," he cut her off. "I just..." 

"No, it's okay. I get it," she quickly added, trying to make the atmosphere less dense. 

"I um," he started. "I've been in a really bad place lately, El. I need you to remember how awful I felt. And I'm not trying to justify my actions, I just need you to know that what I did since we last saw each other is not who I am."

"I know, C. I know who you are," she comforted, only truth falling from her lips. 

And so he spilled. He told every gut-renching detail. 

He told her of the drunken nights where all his conscience could comprehend was that he needed to stop feeling.

he told her of the heated words exchanged between himself and his three best friends, whom he knows would go to great lengths to see him succeed. 

He told her of the worried text messages he ignored, because he couldn't bear to face the truth. The truth that it wasn't that he didn't have people who loved him, because he did. He just hated himself, didn't want to accept the fact that he wasn't alone in this fucked up world. 

He told her of the a.m. hours he would find himself stumbling into Molly's motel room, to spend a few awful chunks of time as her pleasure puppet. (And how after he would instantly regret everything, get drunk, forget about the regret, and do it all over again). 

He told her of the days spent alone and confused, where he let his mind get the best of him, and tell him loathsome things that he still half-heartedly believed.  

He told her of the days were he would wake up, laying on a park bench where he had undoubtedly passes out the night before, with a hangover bigger than his ambitions, and not a clue where he was or what to do. 

And he told her about how sorry he was. Sorry that he lost her. Sorry that instead of finding her, he lost himself too. 

By the end, Calum's heart was lying on the table in front of them, and the tears refused to stop flowing. His head rest in the crook of her neck, simply out of exhaustion. Her hand caressed the opposite side of his face and traveled into his hair, and her voice spoke soft words of simple nothings. 

It was the two of them again. Together. Infinite when united. There was no point in which one eded and the other started. There was no coffee shop. Everything else faded away and all that was left was Ella, Calum, and their raw emotion. 

"I'm sorry," he whimpered. 

"I am too," she kissed his forehead, lips wet from her own silent tears. 

"What are you sorry for?" He sighed, and his body quaked ever-so-slightly. 

"For overreacting. For not being there when you needed me. For being dumb. For everything," her hand moved to underneath his eyes, and she wiped his face with the pad of her thumb. 

"I was the dumb one. I should have told you," he confessed.

"You had every right to conceal yourself. You're not dumb, Cal."

"Let's be dumb together, Ellephant."

- 

wtf i had to rewrite this chapter and it came out so much cuter than i had hoped.

ok so aya fluff its midnight I'm so tIRED 

the things i do for you guys i s2g