Without A Song

Chapter Five: What happened?

Brrrr, Brrrrrr. The harsh buzz of a cricket mating with a bell rang in my head. I opened an eye and it stopped. It waited until my brain had slipped into sleep mode before it started again. Brrrr, Brrrrrr, maybe the insect was caught in the fly screens at the window above my desk. I struggled to open my right eye, reading the green bars that lit my digital alarm clock. Vaguely I struggled to make out a one, a two, two dots, a five and a six. Twelve fifty-six? Is that sometime Friday? If it is, is it afternoon or night? I turned my head to the window only to be met by a viscous blast of sunlight. Daytime afternoon then, if my clock was correct. Who cared enough to ring me? I tried to remember if I was supposed to be somewhere but nothing arose from the murky depths of my sodden alcoholic mind. My head was not my own, my tongue was coated in several piles of wool, my limbs were as heavy as lead blocks and my stomach was in too much pain.

Brrrr, Brrrrrr. Sod off! The telephone was over the other side of the room on purpose but still it rang. I tried lifting my head upright and yelled at it.

"GO AWAY!"

Neither the telephone nor my head were playing ball. Perhaps it didn't hear me or understand? I dropped back into the pillows.

Brrrr, Brrrr, BRRR! Bloody phone why will you not stop? It rang twice more but I'd buried my head between the pillow and my mattress to drown out the shrill call.

Brrrr, BRRR, BRRRRRRR!! Bloody, bloody thing. Go away! It stopped for a minute. I yelled Hooray to myself before it rang twice more. I gave in. With a burst of unexpected manic energy I rolled over and fell out of bed and onto the floor, doing a front crawl along

the white marble tiles patterned with beige flecks until I reached the base of the desk. It was hard work but I was up on my hands, then my knees, then I hoisted myself upright to reach over the beech veneered surface of the desk to the receiver. It was Casey. I think I wished her good morning.

"Good afternoon Stephen." She emphasised afternoon. "Are you alright, what's happened?"

I hesitated. "Casey this isn't a good time, I'm just not in the mood for letting the world in on my problems at the moment."

"It must be bad, can I help?"

I focused on the soft, caring voice of my friend at the other end of the line. I spoke slowly, as if practicing for an exam.

"Casey, I may have made a prat of myself last night, I'd like to apologise for whatever I might have said." An awful thought came to mind. I continued. "I'd like to apologise to you personally for anything I may have done or in any way let myself down."

I had this odd feeling that I didn't recognise the voice as my own.

"Where are you?"

"On my knees speaking to you."

"You still have your sense of humour then. Do you feel up to a barbecue this afternoon?"

Oh God she wants me to join in!

"I don't know Case, I probably made a fool of myself last night. I'd not be surprised if I was persona-non-grata today."

"Come across and apologise to Mark and Ben will you? They're busy telling everyone that yesterday was so out of character, there must be a good reason. You'll have to do some grovelling but we can make it easy for you."

"You might be making a big mistake Casey? Personally I feel the need to crawl into a hole, cover myself with a galvanised sheet and die. My world fell apart Wednesday night."

She didn't say she knew it. Maybe she knew already?

"Shush. Don't go there until we've spoken." The smile in her voice was concerned but firm. "Now get your sorry butt over here for two o'clock this afternoon. Do I make myself clear?"