The Darkness Inside

26

Ever since the party I've been really depressed. Seeing what happened to Jared, remembering the flashback about Carter, my friend and family dead.

You should be dead with them. You should've been the one to be beaten. He should've raped you, you worthless garbage.

I wake up and Jared is next to me. I sit up to put my tank top back on because I got hot and slept in a sports bra.

Jared POV

She doesn't know I'm watching her. She doesn't think I don't see the tears roll down her face every morning. This morning she woke up and bent down to put her shirt on. She's frail. You can see her ribs and spine easily. She's not been eating much. I try so hard. I want her to eat. She keeps telling me that she's fat, but this isn't even in the realm of skinny anymore. I love her either way, but I want her to like living. She's distant. I don't know anymore. I don't want to do this, but I just may have to. I grab her phone and get the number to Brunswick's facility and put it in my phone. I hear her walking back upstairs, so I put her phone back and roll over. I hear her grab her bag and phone. She's leaving.

Grace POV

I just need to get out for a while. I leave Jared a note.

Going out,
Grace.

I grab my bag and phone and I start walking. Somehow I end up at the beach. I watch as the waves roll by. I see the place where Jared gave me the promise ring before the party. That was a month ago. I watch the ocean.

I can't believe he promised anything to you, idiot.

The voices are louder. I try to be positive, but I just can't. I've been blade free for almost 2 months now. I miss it. I miss the pain. It almost makes me feel like I got what I deserved.

I walk to the mall and do some shopping. I walk into the dress shop and there's the dress from the night. I want to throw it off the rack. I want to scream, but I don't. I walk into Hot Topic and there's a guy at the register. He smiles and I grab a few band shirts and random things I like and pay. I check the time and I end up calling mom. I want to hear her voice. Nobody answers. I want to break down right here in the mall. I want to cry, but I can't force any tears out of me. There isn't anything to force. My energy is gone. My will to live is put into one person. He's the reason I'm living. I figure he'd be calling, but he's not. I walk around and shop for a few more hours and I wander around a hair salon. I walk in and there's a woman standing behind a desk.

"Hi! How may we help you?"

"I'd like a dye today."

"Okay miss, step right in here."

I look around at hair dyes and there's nothing popping out at me. Except a bright purple. The woman asks me for my dye preference and she starts coating it on. I could go to sleep. I don't remember anything much else after that except when she was blow drying my hair.

I get done and there are streaks of purple throughout my hair. It looks great.

How could you say that? Ugly.

I thank the woman and I decide it's time to go back home. I'm walking home and I get out my keys to unlock the door.

"I'm home."

"Hey sweetums."

He's smiling.

"Woah. Turn around."

I wonder why he's looking at me funny, but then I remember my hair.

"Wow Grace. Your hair looks amazing!"

"You really like it?"

"Yes! It makes you look like a bad mammerjammer!"

I smile at him.

Only if he knew how bad you are. Pity.

"Grace, let's go out. It's been a month and it's way past due."

"Okay. I bought a dress today, so good timing!"

I walk upstairs and I get ready. It doesn't take me long. I assume Jared has already left, because he isn't up here. I walk downstairs and he's already changed. He must've planned this.

"Wow Grace Paisley Tate. I didn't think you could be anymore beautiful, but I was wrong."

He makes me smile.

You're not beautiful.

"Let's go!"

He takes my hand and we get in the car to go eat.

We pull up at a fancy restaurant and go inside. They seat us and we order our drinks. He looks so happy. The waitress comes back and takes our order and soon after she brings out our food. He starts eating and looks at me and I can see sadness growing in his eyes. I throw on a smile and begin eating. Food, it's so good to actually eat.

Fat.

We get our food to go and he kisses me before I get in the car. I can tell he has something planned because there's a sly grin on his face.

"What are you planning?"

He looks at me.

"Nothing."

And keeps driving. We pull up to my house and I walk in. We walk up to my room and there are rose petals sprawled out on the floor. Awh, he's so sweet.

I turn and kiss him. It starts out normal and then it becomes passionate. I'm sure if you looked at us, you'd see love radiating from our bodies. We fall back on the bed and he kisses my neck. I can't help but to let out a moan. He keeps kissing me and I love it. I love him. I want more. I start unbuttoning his shirt. He must know where this is going because he pulls apart.

"Grace, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I've never been more sure of anything."

He unzips my dress and while he does he bites on my neck, just enough to be satisfying. I throw my dress across the room and unhook my bra. He starts taking of his clothes and looks at me and smiles. I throw the pillows and he kisses my body.

"I love you Grace."

I can feel his lips on every curve of my body.

I feel myself mutter, "more."

He must know what that means, because he smiles and we go underneath the comforter.