I have to plan this out. I want it to be discreet. I don't want anyone to know. I want it to be fast though. Pills? Too slow. Knife? Too painful. Gun? Just right. It'll give me the amount of speed and pain I deserve. I go get the pistol from my mom's nightstand. I wait to load it. It's too late tonight. I don't want the neighbors to wake. I want to go unnoticed. I'll miss him horribly. But being gone is better than having to bear the pain of knowing that he'll never love me. Imagine this. Voices in your head, telling you that you deserve the pain, the lies, and deceit. Now you might think that's bad, but it's been happening my whole life. I've tried to get help, but I'm afraid to really let go and tell the truth. I'll look crazy, and that's the complete opposite of what I want. Jared's voicemail said to never leave him. I was already gone. The voices. They claimed me. I'm the servant. I listen. Sometimes the pain feels good, sometimes bad. I miss my mom and my sister and my dad. I miss Karol. I miss the days without the voices. I miss not hating myself. I miss being normal. But being normal is hard when you're crazy. I'll never admit it out loud. We will never admit it out loud. But we are crazy. The voices and I. I try to get them to go away. They're like bullies. Pushing and pushing until I can't be pushed anymore. I know what I have to do to get them to leave. I have to put them first. Let them out. That's just what I'll do.
The voices are screaming, but I sleep through it. I'm waiting, anxiously, for it all to go away.
YOU ARE READING
The Darkness Inside
Teen FictionThrowing on a smile is much easier than trying to explain your feelings. My name is Grace and they all think I'm fine. TRIGGER WARNING: There may be some self harm scenes that can trigger anxiety. Just thought I'd let you know first! Also: I have fu...
