Flawed Perception

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"It's okay Minnie. Let me help you dry off." He told me. His voice was soft and gentle, but in the worst kind of way.

"It's cold," I told him. "I want mommy."

"Mommy isn't here Minnie. It's just me and you."

"But I want to see Mommy!" His eyebrows furrowed as he lost his patience.

"No, Minnie! You are my little girl!" he urged. "Just let me love you!"

Waking with a start I remembered why I didn't have that memory. It was one of the events in my life I chose to forget. The child in me didn't want to hurt anymore, so she chose to let those bad things go. Remembering that time was like finding the last horrific piece to a puzzle you wish never existed.

I wasn't a child anymore, but the fear and pain from what happened to me flooded throughout my body in an instant. I was nothing again.

I knew what this meant. I pulled the covers over my head and put off every urge to cry. Somehow I managed to fall back asleep. I had reverted back to the Willa that was 16 and afraid of her own shadow. A girl full of pessimism and quiet rage. A girl who shivered at the thought of human touch.

My phone rang. It was Jeremy. I forward his call and every other as the night went on. I received a text from Jeremy where I was and if everything was ok. At first I ignored it but knew he wouldn't let it go I just told him everything was fine. After these last few years of suffering alone lying affected me less and less.

Days passed.

I woke to a knock at my door. The sun had been up for hours and I had tried my best to sleep the entire day, to evade having to live it. The person knocked again.

"What?" I yelled coarsely. I turned my head and body away from the door. I didn't want to face the world, the day, or any person.

"Willi, are you okay?" It was Andy. His voice sounded so lost and concerned, like he didn't know how to approach the situation.

"This is all my fault. I should have never told you." He knew what I likely remembered last night. He was there the first time. In fact, he was the one who opened Pandora's Box in the first place. He told me what happened. "I was just so mad at dad for leaving because of it. He wasn't here so I didn't have anyone to project my anger on."

"Just leave me alone," I told him. I knew he only wanted to check on me, but I was in no such mood. He sat on the edge of the bed and I began to shake violently. He placed a hand on my shoulder. I jumped.

"Don't touch me!" He quickly pulled his hand back.

"I'm sorry Willi." He took a deep breath in and exhaled.

"I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you." He sounded so helpless. "Before I just used drugs and alcohol. I don't think I can do this again without it."

"Stop, okay." I told him. I closed my eyes and breathed for a moment. "Just don't worry. This isn't your fault."

"I don't care whose fault it is right now, Willi. I just don't want you to shut down again." He sniffled. "I can't lose you again."

I thought about the day he stopped breathing, the day he overdosed. When his heart stopped I dropped to the ground. My bottom lip began to tremble. When he was in the hospital he said I wasn't living back then. Now, sitting behind me, my little brother was scared again. I didn't have the strength to protect him from that, or to comfort him in any way.