Flawed Perception

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Hey," Nick said optimistically as I opened the door to my apartment. Apparently he had been up waiting for me since I left. I didn't respond to him, I was feeling too down to deal with everything. I never wanted to be a burden on Jeremy, and I had become just that. He was my escape, and I wasn't ready to deal with my problems, not without him at least. 

"Can we talk?" He stood up. He clearly hadn't gotten the message that I wasn't in the mood to speak with him. 

"Not right now, okay?" I looked at his expression as he took in my rejection. He was let down, but I could live with that, at least for now. My mind was more focused on what I was going to do about Jeremy.  

"I just thought that after what happened earlier that-," he began. 

"That what? I'd run into your arms like everything was perfect? I told you before, I need time to think. So please, just give me some space. Okay?" I told him, all the while trying my best to control my temper. 

"Fine, all right. Take all the time you need. I'll be here when you're ready to talk." Something he said resonated within me. I realized then that I would never find clarity, not as long as I was living under the same roof as Nick. I knew what I had to do.  

"Nick, I think you should find somewhere else to stay." My voice was stern and I stood as straight and confident as I could, but I felt uneasy inside. As he understood my words every ounce of optimism drained from his face, making me question my decision.  

"I know we talked about it after, you know, what happened, but I didn't think you really wanted me to leave." He sat back down on the couch.  

"I just can't process like this, seeing you day in and day out. It's hard, Nick, really hard," I told him. I took a step in his direction. His head was hung low and he was looking as dejected as ever.  

"Do you really want me to go?" He asked. As he looked up at me there was the smallest glint of hope, that I knew I would crush with my next few words. 

"Yeah, I do." I had finally made some kind of a decision about Nick, but I felt worse than before. 

"Fine, I'll leave in the morning." His voice was low, nearly inaudible. He had no emotion in his tone, he simply spoke. This wasn't what I wanted, but I was sure that it was what I needed. It was necessary for him to be out of my sight, so I had a chance to get him out of my head. With him gone, maybe I would be able to process everything, even the situation with Jeremy. 

I didn't answer him. I had already said my peace and I didn't need to make the situation any worse or more unbearable than it already was by having the last word. I just turned toward my room and began walking, my face expressionless and my pose as stoic as ever. When I reached the door to my room I saw the living room become dark as Nick flipped the switch, my heart dropped, as did my brave façade. 

That was the last I saw of him for weeks. When I woke up in the morning he was already gone. 

*** 

After a few days in the hospital Andy was doing better. All the tests they ran on him showed that he was in good health and ready to come home, only he didn't. The tests didn't make the decisions, my mother did. His overdose worried her to the point that she spoke with Andy's doctors and they agreed that he should spend some time in the hospital's rehabilitation facility before he was ready to come home.  

While I was happy he was better, I was kind of bummed because the visitation in rehab was far more strict than where he was before. Andy spent nearly a month in rehab and he made sure to call everyday and tell us how he was. At first it was hard on all of us, but day by day he seemed to be returning to the bright boy I knew and adored as a kid. By the time he was ready to come home I was elated. I had a second chance with my brother; something I never thought could or would happen.