Flawed Perception

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I walked until I reached the end of a corridor. Having no place left to go I leaned against the wall and slumped down to the floor. I folded my knees to my chest and buried my face. How could I have been so dumb? I was feeling so many things, none of them good. This was my first experience with love. I didn't know what to expect. I just didn't think it would be over so soon, before if even began. 

I had middle school boyfriends and crushes, but those were nothing compared to how I felt about Nick. The way I felt about him was special. It was something I had never felt before. Something I could not explain, something lovely. I was not naïve enough to believe we would get married and live happily ever after. Being a realist I understood that. What hurt the most was that I did not get a chance to experience being with him. I had only just settled into the idea of having feelings for him before he ruined everything. 

Anger swam through my veins, a side of longing with it. He messed up, and he did it with my only friend no less. Being as inexperienced as I was I did not know what to do, how to feel exactly. What I said to him before I said out of spite. Out of a need to save face, but I could not lie. I was hurting like hell inside. 

I did not want to cry. If I cried that meant that I had lost something, which technically, I did not. All along I did not need to fear becoming one of those girls like Brittany. I needed to be weary of them. Though I knew Brittany did not know about my feelings toward Nick, in my mind I cursed her, and him. I made a mistake when I let him touch me. Now my heart was paying the price. 

I took a deep breath and stood up. I turned back around to walk back to Andy's room, the absolute last place I wanted to be. I sauntered slowly as though I were trudging through a pool of thick mud. My body was obviously in agreement with my mind, it knew that in that room I would have to face him. At that moment I knew that what I needed, what I wanted, was an escape. I heard something then. 

"Willa?" A voice called after me. It echoed down the hall, his voice bouncing from wall to wall. I turned to look at him. 

"Jeremy? What are you doing here?" I asked him. I tried my best to look fine, like my heart had not just been broken. I cannot say whether or not I was happy to see him, or anyone for that matter. I was, however, thankful for a reason to avoid going back to my brother's room. 

"My mom comes here every so often and I drive her. She's in her room now. I thought I saw you so I followed you out," he explained. He had no bright smile on his face today, in place of it a sympathetic grin and pain in his expression. "I heard about Andy. Glad to hear he's ok. I'm guess that's why you're here, right?" 

"Yep," I answered, willing my voice not to sound too cold, though I doubt it was effective. "He's doing better, but they want to keep him here a few more days just to be safe." 

"So he's going home soon? That's great news, but I can't help but wonder why I can't see that on your face," he told me. I looked up; he was looking back, staring into my eyes. He obviously knew something was wrong, despite my best efforts to hide it. My lips began to tremble as all the sadness and regret over the past few days crashed over me like a way. Jeremy's gaze turned to worry as I tried to hold back tears. I knew once I let one fall, they wouldn't stop.  

"It's okay, Willa," he said to me. He took my hand and with it my attention, preventing an unnecessary break down in the hall. "I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, it will blow over. Come on."  

He tightened his hold of my hand and led me to a bench in the hall. Two days ago a situation like this would have ended badly, me balled up in a corner and Jeremy staring over me wondering what finally drove me over the edge. After everything with Nick, one would think another person's touch would bring me anxiety. I didn't know if it was because I knew and trusted Jeremy and the comfort he brought, or if it was me changing, but Jeremy's hand holding mine was the least of my worries. In fact, I preferred it to facing my problems.