Flawed Perception

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

When I woke in the middle of the night I was still shaken up about everything. The dream was still fresh in my mind, as was Nick's violent kiss. I could not shake my anxiety. After lying in bed staring at the ceiling I sat up. It was around three in the morning and still pitch black outside.

I had not heard my mom come in so I could only assume she had spent another night at the hospital with Andy, leaving me alone with Nick. This was something that annoyed me once, but never brought me worry. Now here I was, nerves fluttering about scared to see his face. Just thinking about him made the situation from hours ago fresh to mind.  

Before I allowed myself to let my mind go to a bad place my phone beeped. I reached over to see what it was. I had gotten a text a while ago from Jeremy that I must not have heard. I swiped my phone. It was just a simple text saying he had fun, that we should hang out again soon, but it made all the difference in the world. I looked at the time sent, nearly an hour earlier. There was still a chance he was awake, and that was a chance I wanted to take. I called him and he answered on the second ring. 

"Hey!" His tone was positive and eager. 

"Hi, I didn't wake you, did I?" I asked apprehensively.  

"No. I'm having a little trouble sleeping. Why, what's up?"  

"I can't sleep either." I told him meekly. 

"Why, did something happen?" I didn't want to burden him with my problems, but I knew I didn't want to sit in my room in the dark alone. I wanted to see him, feel his presence. His voice wasn't enough, at least not right now. 

"Um, could you maybe come get me? I really don't want to be here right now," I asked him. 

"Yeah, of course. I'll be there in a few. I'll text you when I'm out front." 

"Okay, thanks." Of course he said yes. I felt guilty because I knew that no matter what he would have said yes. I felt sorry about it, but also relieved that I had someone whose kindness I could exploit. 

I hopped out of bed, eager to get out of both the apartment and my own head for a while. I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and grabbed a pair of vans as I quietly opened my door. I lightly tiptoed my way down the hall. I figured Nick had passed out by now and didn't want to risk waking him, not now. As I peeked into the living room I saw that it wasn't dark.

Nick was sitting in the middle of the couch, his face planted in his hands. He was breathing heavily. I heard him curse under his breath. I leaned in slightly to listen, making the floor creak in the process. He looked up and our eyes met. Immediately I looked down, avoiding his gaze. 

"Wil-" He began. I shut my eyes for a moment and drew in a breath. Upon exhaling I opened them and looked toward the front door. I took one step, and another, until I reached the door. As I reached for the knob I froze. I could hear his breathing again. But that wasn't why I froze. I could tell that he was in pain. He was either sobbing, or on the verge of doing so. A month ago I would not have cared if he were crying, nor known a reason why. I knew now. It was because of me. 

I felt moisture building along the lower part of my eyes. I knew that with one blink a tear would fall so I tried to hold them open for as long as I could, my lips quivering all the while. As I felt the burn, I closed them and the flood began. I let my head fall forward as I leaned on the door, one hand still on the handle.  

"Willa, I'm- I'm s-" he started. 

"Sorry?" I asked, almost in a whisper. I heard him stand up. One step after another I could hear as he approached me. He was a mere two feet behind me now. I felt the warmth of his skin as he got closer. I felt a tingle on my left hip, a tingle I'd only felt by his touch. I wanted to pull away, I should have, but something inside of me beckoned me to stay still as he brought his other hand around my waist. He then pulled me close to him, and buried his face in my hair. 

I was trembling, which I knew he could feel. He held me tighter and nestled his head along my neck. I could tell he was still crying by a lone tear rolling down my collarbone. I looked down at his hands. They were wrapped around each other tightly. I took my hand off the doorknob and lightly traced his forearm, before settling both of my hands on top of his. This was all I wanted. I would not have asked for more. Just this. If I hadn't left that party, or if I had watched over Andy better, Nick and I could have been happy by now. 

My emotions grew heavy thinking of the chance I had lost and a teardrop fell from my cheek and onto his arm. He nestled in closer, planting light kisses along my neckline. I felt the tingles again, the feeling I craved, needed even. In that moment I had forgotten the night before, all the pain he caused my heart.

In the heat of the moment I brought up my arm around his neck and pulled him closer to me. Our faces with centimeters apart and I could feel the heat of his breath on my lips. I closed my eyes, taking in his heat alone. If my phone had not gone off just then, I wasn't sure what would have happened.  

I jumped as the moment was broken. I promptly pulled my hand away and felt his head leave, but his hands were still around my waist. I put my hands on them and tried to separate them, but to no avail. He held me tighter. 

"No, please don't make me let go," he pleaded. 

"I have to." 

"You don't have to, just please. I'm scared that if I let you go now, everything's changed, that's it, we're done," he explained. I sighed. As much as I knew I shouldn't have let this happen, I was hesitant to leave because I knew there was a possibility he was right.  

"I don't know Nick. I think we both need to think, a lot. Just let me go, okay?" I felt his grip loosen then tighten once more. "Nick, Jeremy's downstairs waiting for me." He let me go. 

"You're leaving with him?" The disappointment in his voice was more than evident. I nodded as I turned to face him. 

"I need some time. I can't give you any answers, not now, not like this. I need to think, okay?" He nodded pitifully. I brought up a hand, cupping his cheek softly. He leaned into my touch and brought up his own hand, interlacing our fingers together. "Just, wait for me. Can you do that?"  

He nodded once more. I dropped my hand down, but our fingers were still woven as one. I opened the door and began to walk out, feeling a slight tug. I turned back and smiled reassuringly and he let me pull away.  

Somewhere deep inside, a piece of me was hoping he wouldn't let go. Because he was right, everything had changed. He knew it, and I knew it, but both of us were too scared to face the truth.  

There was no hope for two people as broken as us.

*****

Hi guys! Sorry for the short delay, it was quite a chore to upload this one... broken laptops and heat stroke were involved. I hope you like it! Thanks for reading!

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~Bran