Dan and Phil Imagines

Dan Imagine-Blogging

You open your laptop and sit on the couch. Today has been just another boring day but at the same time has given you a muse, something you must put on your blog. 

So you start:

"I will let you in on a little known secret. Love is not poetic. Love is not something that is the end all be all to anything. Love is not something that fixes every little thing, but rather something to work towards. Now, I'm not saying that love doesn't exist--to do so would be ignorant and that is something that I never wish to be. Love does exist. I found it in when I touched him. I found it when he stood near me and when my breaths drew short and fast and when my blood filled my face and when he lavishly painted my name across his tongue, resulting in the sweetest sound that I can only name as home. 

As I sit here typing, I can't help but think of all the times that I cried over him and for him and with him. That's the thing about love; you cannot differentiate your feelings from the other. You have all seen the videos of us together and have been reading my blogs about little outings we've been on and the suburbia that now takes over our lives--and God, am I in love with it. If you had told me at 20 that in 5 years, I would be in love with bed sheets and get excited over new air-fresheners and find comfort in familiarity, I wouldn't believe you. Well, I wouldn't really want to but I am so happy with what my life has become. 

It still catches me by surprise the amount of people that are still here even after we decided that YouTube was a chapter we needed to close in our crazy little lives. I remember the night that Dan had first brought up the idea of ending his channel; you really should have seen the fear in his eyes and the sobs that followed it. It was a sleepless night full of decisions and heartache and, as aforementioned, fear. But not fear about our future. We both knew that we had the experience and stability to start something new and that we wouldn't be completely broke, it was the fear of letting so many people down. You all have been these wonderful supporters who have watched Dan and I throughout the years and never thought twice about the choices we made. Even after 3 years of not making videos you still care so much and that is something that I could have never even dreamed of asking for. 

Currently, Dan is bathing our child and in about 30 minutes will be reading him to sleep. I never thought that I could fall in love with someone over and over, deeper and deeper, every single night, but the second that I see my husband--my forever--drenched from bath water with bubbles in his hair, reading to our toddler in silly voices with very sleepy eyes; I do. I fall in love with him all over again.

Our lives are not perfect but they are pretty goddamn close. I have beautiful faces to come home to, sticky kisses, and messes strewn about my home and I could not be happier. I never thought that I could ever find happiness in normality--and maybe some can't. Maybe some need adventure and 2 am conversations in obscure coffee shops in urban areas where city lights dance and become their own stars under the smog of a city sky; but not me. I need my (forever messy) kitchen, my pile of dirty laundry (even though I SWEAR I JUST WASHED THESE!!), my scuffed shoes, my jeans that are a size that I am not too happy with, my worn out hoodies, my babies tiny little socks, my white picture frames that hang beautifully on my wall. The pictures from my wedding, from my first birth, from holidays, from everything under the sun. 

I need the Howell's--my son and my husband and myself. I need my family. I find all the joy, love, and poetry in every sunset with them."

You close your eyes and listen to the sound of your husbands voice and your son's giggle and know that you have made it. That you are truly home.