Living

Chapter 8-

We've been walking a set of train tracks ever since Carl found a sign with the name "Terminus" written on it. The sign said 'Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive. Terminus." 

I don't believe any of that bullshit. It's too good to be true. How would they feed their people? I have a bad vibe about this place, the closer we get the stronger it gets.

"Rick? I don't think we should go to Terminus." I say uneasily stopping in my tracks. 

"What? Why? Our people could be there. Glenn, Daryl, Maggie, Beth, and Judith" he says back.

"I have a bad feeling about Terminus and it gets stronger the closer we get."

"Wow a vibe. Dad! Quick! Drop the chance of survival and head back towards the danger!" Carl laughs, "Lillie our people are there, we're going."

"That's the thing. Whenever I get a bad vibe it turns out to be a deadly. I don't think our group and or us are safe there! Their sign said 'Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive. Terminus.' don't you think that's too good to be true! They could or could have killed our group and we could be next if wewalk in those gates! If you don't see that you're fucking blind!"

"I'm not blind, I'm just protecting the group. I trust these people and if you can't except that, you can just leave the group." Says Rick.

"How can you trust people that you didn't even meet yet! They could be killers who feed their victims to walkers for all you know! If they let just anyone in how would they feed everyone? They can't just have a huge food supply! Rick, would care to explain?!" he stays silent so I turn to my left and walk away.

"Where are you going!"

"I'm leaving the group! Just like you wanted! Because Rick Grimes the dictator of all gets what he wants when he wants it, and has rule over anyone! But you know what Rick? Walk right to your death! It's not like you're ever going to listen to anyone else! You think you're tough but in reality you're a coward, and just because I'm walking away doesn't mean I'm a coward! I'm just not walking in the hands of killers! You, Rick Grimes, are stuck in your tragic fantasy of a place that's safe for everyone. But... there's no such place. Not in this world at least." 

I yell infuriated then continue slowly limping away from the tracks. Away from my family who are about to meet their end.

--

I really need to fix my leg. It's probably infected by now, which means it's going to hurt like a son of a bitch when I push my femur back in its place. Hopefully I find shelter soon it's too dangerous out here for me when I have a bum leg. Guilt is flowing through my veins the farther I am away from Rick.

They could be in trouble and I'm doing nothing to help or prevent it. Just like I did to my parents- no, what I didn't do to help my parents. This is what I do. I grow attached to people then I give up. I give up on them. I give up on myself. 

I don't take the risk of saving them but when I do it's too late. Whenever I have to take a tough call in a short amount of time... I panic. I take too long deciding so when I act I choose the wrong thing. I pick death over living.

Just like with my parents. They beat me, taunted me, starved me, tortured me. They were my parents, they were suppose to love me, hug me, and help me whenever I was in trouble. 

But they were also my family, the ones who brought me to this Earth, the ones who raised me since I was born, they were the ones who always loved me even when they hurt me. 

Because even the nicest people have rage they can't control, and when that rage cannot be bottled anymore they release it on the ones they love the most.