CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

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ASH's POV

I think I'm the most stupid person in the world. No... actually, I am.

How come I ever leave her when in those days that she needs me, I was the first one to turn my back to her?

How come I ever leave her when she needs me the most?

I fucking hate myself for that. I fucking hate myself that I let those negative thoughts clouded my mind- that she's a traitor and she helped her best friend, Farrah to escape when she's our ace in escaping this hella of a wonderland. And helping her escape without our knowledge is already a traitorous act.

I am in my room; it's just happened that we found a decent apartment without so much blood trace in it. It's been two days since I started avoiding her... Kaesha. Sometimes I want to come to her room, be with her and comfort her, but I don't want to break my schoolmate's trust because even Damien turned his back to them.

Schoolmate's trust over her? You idiot.

But they needed a leader. Someone whom they could trust, and how could they trust me if I'll be going to side up to Kaesha's side? And that fucking Damien... he even turned his back to the group he saved just to be with Kaesha. Fuck this guy. I don't understand if he wants Kaesha's best friend, or he wants her instead. Fuck it

I shook my head to erase my thoughts and walk towards the window of our room. I heard the door open and close. I know it's Nathan.

"Ash, papayag ka nalang bang itrato nila si Kaesha ng gan'on?"

He's talking about how they're treating her as if she doesn't exist at all. I don't like what they're doing, but I just couldn't make them stop because I know Hannah, she'll just say that I'm only letting that traitor to play with us, and by how loud her words are, people would side up to her when that isn't what should've happened in a time like this.

Of course, I want the others to trust her again, but at this rate, I can't think carefully. I don't know what I should do. I let that negativity put judgment in my head, and right now, I don't know how to fix it.

Why did I even compare her to my mother, who left us when we were still young?

It's because my mother was so brave... so courageous and didn't scared of facing everything alone, just like what I've seen to Kaesha. And I'm afraid that she might leave me too just like what my mother did to me... to us.

I can't sleep, so I decided to go out for a while, and it was like destiny is playing a trick on me when I saw her, the girl who has an exceptional quality that you'll never find with someone, nor any other girls but her.

She has this kind of aura that could turn a table into something unbelievable because instead of being a princess in distress, she's a knight who can protect herself without any help from others. And that made her different from them.

I was surprised when I first saw her. I thought she's fragile and innocent, but heck, she's really awesome. With every move she does, the way how she carries herself as if pertaining that she doesn't need someone else and she's already fine by herself, and it sucks because I found those type of women attractive as hell, knowing that it's just my first time being so attracted like shit.

And knowing that she's still awake at this kind of time, I know something's bothering her. I just found myself walking to her place. She's there, hugging her knees with her back resting on a tree while staring at the stars all by herself.

Maybe her thoughts were so deep that she didn't even feel my presence even I'm already beside her. I sighed as I sat down. She stirred a bit because our shoulders accidentally bump. My forehead creased, and couldn't stop the side of my lips from curving upward. Oh, I affect her, too, huh? It's not one-sided, after all.

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