Lust or Love?

Chapter 14

I just stood there in disbelief, frozen in the doorway. A chill ran down my spine; ironic because it was roughly 80 degrees out. He stared at me, as if I was supposed to just let him in and forgive him for what he did. Well hell no to that, I thought.

I struggled to find my voice, but managed a shaky "I thought I made it clear I'm done with you." I peeled my eyes off of him as I spoke, afraid of falling back under his spell.

"Well," he stepped a few inches closer to me, "I just figured we could talk about some things, if you would just let me in we could sit down and discuss...." With every few words he stepped closer towards me, slowing opening the door further to allow himself in. And yet, I didn't fight it. I let Beau in.

"Start talking," I muttered as we sat down at the table.

"Look...," he began, "I don't even know where to start really. I've apologized over and over, and each time I was sincere, but I know you need something more than that. You need to be able to trust me. You can't begin to imagine how much that trust means to me. I tried staying away from you, I tried to forget you and move on Evelyn, but I can't. I can't get over you. I'm stuck on you. I want you and only you. I need you more than I've needed anyone ever before. I love you."

My stomach filled with flutters at those last few words. It was wrong, but damn did it feel so right....

He gazed into my eyes with those captivating emerald orbs and continued on. "I don't know what I can do to gain your trust back. I want--I need a second chance with you, because I know we're meant to be together, Ev. I just need you to trust me enough to take me back. And then--and then you won't regret it at all! I'll never do anything again to hurt you." I could hear the desperation in his voice as he pleaded with me over and over to take him back.

"I'm with Ryan now!" I blurted out suddenly. I didn't even mean to say it, it just came out. "I'm sorry," I started again, trying to collect myself and elaborate on the news I had just spilled. "I'm dating Ryan now, and I'm very happy in our relationship. So there's no point in you being here. We're through."

His face hardened and his fists clenched into balls. He clearly was frustrated at the fact that I had moved on already.

"He makes me happier than you did," I lied through gritted teeth, merely for the purpose of getting him to leave me alone.

I could tell I hurt him with that one. His jaw trembled and his fists shook. "You don't mean that," he spat, venom in his voice. It seemed he was trying to convince himself that more than he was actually talking to me. "No way you're happier with him."

"Beau just accept it, I'm not getting back together with you. Not after everything you've done to me. I need a boyfriend who I can trust and who's faithful to me. Ryan is that and more, which I can't exactly say about you."

I heard a screech of the chair against the hardwood floor, and almost instantly he was out the door, furious and fed up. I quickly got up to see if he had really left, and sure enough his car zoomed away without even a pause to glance back.

I sighed. I knew I had done the right thing, for Ryan was much better for me than Beau. Ryan will treat me with respect and be honest and upfront; he's exactly the type of guy I need in my life. But if everything was so perfect now, why couldn't I help but feel like my heart has just been crushed?

Ryan was the man I needed, but Beau was the man I craved.