Love and Other Stupid Things (2016)

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

I always feel like I'm not giving enough of myself to you.. I mean, I love you but I always feel like it's not enough. I always feel like I'm not enough. That what I'm doing for you now is not enough.

I badly want to be enough but I just can't be enough. And I am sorry if I cannot be enough.

I am sorry if I cannot hold your hand and physically be there to tell you that I love you so much and you're my everything.

I am sorry if I cannot be there to make you smile when you're having a bad day. I'm sorry if I cannot be there to cheer you up when you're pissed about the jeepney driver who dropped you off on the wrong stop. I am sorry if I cannot run around with you like how you wanted your dream date to be.

I am sorry if I cannot be there to invite you to grab some french fries or some ice cream when you're grumpy because you got demoted in LoL. I'm sorry if I don't get how to play and I don't know how to make you happy when you're pissed off of having a losing streak. I am sorry if I cannot play LoL with you.

I am sorry if I cannot lend you my shoulder whenever you're too sleepy while commuting. I am sorry if I cannot be there for you to lean on me when life gets heavy. I'm sorry if I cannot be just one ride away when you're gonna cry. I am sorry if I cannot run over there when life gets rough.

I am sorry if I cannot make you coffee whenever you're gonna be up all night finishing your paperwork and thesis. I am sorry if I cannot massage your shoulders when they feel numb from sitting in your study table for hours reviewing for your final examinations. I am sorry if I cannot be there with you to get you snacks while you're studying.

I am sorry if I cannot take you out on a date. I am sorry if cannot treat you like how your past lovers had treated you. I am sorry if I cannot invite you to have lunch or dinner with me.

I am sorry if I cannot hug you. I'm sorry if you cannot bury your head against my chest whenever you feel the need to.

I am sorry if I cannot wrap my arms around you when you need an extra support while we're both walking together. I'm sorry if I am not able to carry you on my back when you're too tired to walk.

I am sorry if you cannot lie down on my lap as I read aloud to you the book that made me cry and left a mark in my heart. I am sorry if I cannot take you to see the sunrise, the sunset or just lie down to watch the stars together.

I am sorry if you cannot put your head on my chest for you to hear that this heart of mine is beating for you and only for you and no one else.

I am sorry if I cannot dance with you randomly to your favorite songs.

I am sorry if we cannot be side by side laughing and talking about life.

I am sorry I'm kilometers away, never giving you enough love. Never able to give you enough attention that you need. I'm sorry I'm miles away from where my heart considers as its home.

I am sorry that our love is forced to have boundaries. I am sorry that our love only lies between messages, between phone calls. Between two screens serving as a barrier separating us from touching and feeling things. I am sorry because I'm here. I am sorry if I am not able to be there yet. I am sorry we have to love like this. I am sorry if I'm making you feel like you're loving a ghost. I am sorry if you feel like loving an empty vessel, a hollow shell.

I love you. I really do. But I always wished I could do something more. I always wished I can do all those things I am sorry for. I always badly wanted for us to be side by side but the circumstances right now is hard. We still have years of college left in my arsenal to finish so I could be stable to go to you. It's a long time and I'm honestly scared. What if the timing is wrong? What if we should've met after a few years?

But if it is wrong timing, I'd still be here waiting behind our screen until the time would be right. I would be waiting for myself, for you, for both of us. No, I'm sorry, I was wrong. WE would be waiting together until the time is right. And it will be all worth it in the end. So for now, I am sorry you had to endure this. I love you.