As easy as the day would start, it could quickly turn into a nightmare. When I walked in the door with my arms full of bags I heard the unmistakable sound of my Nonni having a meltdown. We had soon realized that just about anything could set her off, it was almost like taking care of a baby. She had a hard time communicating what she wanted or needed. She would scream and cry and sometime she would become violent.
I set the bags down on the counter and rushed to the living room to find Nonni crying and Claire trying to calm her down.
"What happened?" I asked as I rushed over to them.
"She dropped her tea. She wasn't burned, she just got upset that it spilled."
"Nonni...Nonni, hey it's okay, we can get you more tea, okay? Breath, it's going to be fine."
"She made me drop my tea. Erin, make her leave! I don't want her here!"
"Okay, I'll take her out and get you more tea."
I watch Nonni sit in her chair and cry into her hands. It broke my heart watching her like this, it was like a guessing game to tell how the day would go.
Claire and I walked into the kitchen while I made a new cup of tea.
"Let's wait until she calms down, I'm not going to be able to handle her by myself all day."
"Okay, I'll hide out, put groceries away and clean up around the house and stay out of the way."
"Alright...I wish I could do something...I feel so...useless."
"I know. I wish I could tell you it's going to get better, but it won't..."
"I know."
I hated to think about it all, especially because it was getting worse at a scary rate.
"Erin, where's my tea?"
I sighed when I heard her calling me, she would go back and forth from remembering me to thinking I was my mother. It was so frustrating, I just wanted my Nonni back.
I took her tea and sat it next to her at the table.
"Here you go, do you need anything else?"
"No dear, I'm fine, but make sure you start the roast, your dad will be home soon."
"Okay. I'll go start it now."
***
I remember I used to sleep through anything. Unfortunately now, I wake up at every little creek and noise. It started off as a small cough, then it got worse and before I knew it she was gasping for air. I grabbed my phone and ran to the bedroom and called for an ambulance.
I felt so helpless as she sat there and watched her struggling to breathe. I stood back and watched the paramedics rushed into the room. They got her onto the stretched and started with oxygen. They moved her out to the back of the ambulance as one got in back and started taking vitals and making sure she was receiving the oxygen.
I followed them outside in my pajamas and no shoes. The neighbors were all outside on their porches trying to see what was going on. Damn small towns and nosey neighbors.
"Hannah, sweetheart what's wrong? What happened?"
Maura, thank God for Maura.
"She woke up and started coughing then she couldn't breathe, and they're taking her to the hospital and I need to go with them. I need to go with her, she needs me." I was sobbing so hard I was surprised I was even getting words out.
"Okay, hey, how about we go get some clothes on and shoes and I'll drive you, you can't drive like this, yeah."
"Yeah. I need shoes and her files and um, list of medications."