All this time i was lieing. I was lieing to myself about what i wanted and who i wanted to be. I dont wanna be some rich snobby girl, i dont wanna be some emo punk goth girl, i dont wanna be anything but myself. Its not easy to be yourself because you grew up in a world where they taught you to be anything but yourself. Its not easy to show your true colors.
Finding the one you want is hard and easy. Its a process which takes awhile. You have to know what you want in order to get it. So my type of person is the kind where i can actually be myself. Where we can explore. I dont mean that in a perverted way or sexual way. I mean it in a adventurous way. Where you can just go wherever whenever and be happy. Go to concerts and party and have fun and then wake up the next day and go to an art museum. Arts not dead and neither are you. So you have to explore and have as much experience as you can. Its all worth it. In the end youll be happy and if your not then you know that thats not what you want.
Now this little short story thing is ruffly a thing or two that i just want to say. Its easy to tell someone online or over a message how you feel. But when it comes to being in person you cant even seem to speak. For example yesterday i was determined to tell my boyfriend how i felt but couldnt seem to do. I tell him to call me or text me and he cant do that. You have to have enough courage in order to do these things. Its all a matter of whos around and what its about. Sometimes it may be easy other times it may not be.
I get that im just rambling on but i need to tell someone something. I have all these thoughts that never seem to come out so might as well share with everyone on here. Now i dont have a perfect life but i dont think anyone does. I come from a broken family and a bad mother. My dads no saint either. Im just tired of pretending that things are okay when clearly they are not. One day i will have enough balls to tell people how i feel. And for the people who know me its easy for me to tell someone how i feel but see thats the thing. Its all an image its the way people make me feel. Only reason why im so straight forward with people is because once you piss me off im gonna tell you how the hell i feel. So just kep that in mind.
-Haley
