Recover

Chapter Three

Recover- Chapter Three

Everything was ruined.. Completely ruined. I wanted to cut now, I needed to.

"I don't know what to say.." Alexander said. He thinks I'm mental, I just know it. "Just go away. I've already scared you, so don't feel like you still have to be here." I managed to get out while crying.

"Come here please." He said delicately. I lifted up and jumped into his arms as he sat next to me on the bed. I cried into his chest. After holding it all in, not telling a soul.. I let it out. The pain, the hurt, the anger that had been balled up in me.

"It's okay.. It's okay.." He cooed. Even though those words weren't true I believed him. I just needed to hear those words come out of somebody, anybody's mouth. I needed somebody.

About a half an hour of crying I had fallen asleep in his chest with him cradling me as if I was a small baby. He shook me lightly and I moved my head around. I smelled the fresh oxygen rather than the carbon dioxide that I had been breathing in for the past thirty minutes.

My eyelashes were clumped together from all the crying I did. Alexander used his thumb to wipe the moisture from my eyes. His bottom lip was pushed out farther without him realizing. He bent down and kissed my forehead so soft I wouldn't have know if it weren't for his breathing on me.

"Let me see... All of it." I shook my head violently and started to cry all over again. I can't.. When he sees my scarred up ugly arms he will think I'm ugly too. "No, no, no, no," I repeated. He rocked back and forth comforting me, calming me.

"Yes. Show me now." He demanded. "If you don't I will do it for you." He said harshly scaring me. I unwillingly rolled both of my sleeves up ashamed of what I had done.

The cuts were all up to my elbows. My arms look like an old scratched up C.D. He lifted my arm up to his mouth and lightly kissed my scars. When he saw the fresh ones from two days ago he asked, "When did you do this?" I tried to stop crying..

"T-two days.." I whispered. "Please don't hate me.. Please I'm begging you.." He tightened my body to his chest. "No beautiful, I would never hate you.. Tell me please.. Why you do this." He was kind and calm asking the question.

"N-no I-I can't.. Not now please..." I cried and cried.. I couldn't bring up those memories. "Okay, okay.. You don't have to tell me.." He kissed me ear after he whispered those words.

I came to realization I was in his lap crying my eyes out and I had only met him yesterday. I tried wiggling off of him. "Go away.. You shouldn't be here.."

"Stop doing that. Stop pushing me away so quickly.. I won't tell anyone I swear.." He paused looking at the ground. "But by all means if you want me out I can go." He stood up. Knowing he probably wouldn't talk to me after this and my mom doesn't know, he's the only one I can talk to know.

"Wait! Please... Umm stay?" I didn't want to feel alone right now.. Not when I have someone who knows.

"Oh so you want me to stay now?" He was being rude.. I didn't need rude, I needed someone who would tell me it's okay, even when it's not.

"Yes I do, but if you want to act like an ass then go."

"Do you even know how fucking complicated you are? One minute you hate me, you want me no where near you! When I leave that's when you want my help! God you are so hard to please." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Who said you had to help me? If you want, just go. I have been putting up with this alone for two years.. I think I can make it without you." I got under my covers and threw them over my head. He didn't have to be here! I don't want a fucking stranger in my house. I barely know him.

I just want to scream! About all of this. Moving, cutting, starving, today, Alexander, my life, my mom!

It was silent and I thought he had left. That was until I felt the bed dip and his hand on my waist above the blankets. People who just met yesterday don't fucking touch like that!

"I didn't know it's been that long," he whispered. He pulled the blankets down with my head popping out. "Yeah it has.. Whatever I don't give a fuck, I just cut and get it over with." That just ran out of my mouth.. I didn't mean to say that.

"Why do you-"

"I don't want to talk about it." I snapped interrupting him. I don't trust him. He found out about my cuts, or else he still wouldn't know.

"Okay.." He kissed my neck. His hands wondered down. "Stop! If the only reason you are here is to try and fuck me, leave! We met just yesterday and you're already trying to get with me? Just get out, go! I mean it this time, I won't call you back over here. You really are a manwhore. I don't want your help anymore." I got out of bed.

"I didn't mean to-"

"What? You didn't mean to kiss my neck? For your hands to wonder down my side? That's not something you 'didn't mean' to do! Please just go." He looked a little hurt but I don't care. Ever since Jessie, I won't let a guy touch me.

"Fine! Have fun being a nobody! Have fun cutting! One of these days you're going to end up killing yourself!"

"That's the point dumbass! Please just get out." I started crying. My body ached for food, for something to eat. I wanted it so badly.

"Why do you do it? You have your whole life ahead of you. You are beautiful and I know you're smart. You can do so damn much but yet you refuse to." He called me beautiful? He's just trying to make me feel better, that's all.

"You don't know me at all! Don't even act like you do.." My voice was more hushed. "You call me a manwhore! You don't know if I am or not! You weren't even at school today because you tried to fucking kill yourself!"

He had taken it too far.. I had no more fight in me. I didn't want to scream at the top of my lungs anymore. I left him with his words and went to my bathroom. I scrambled around the drawers to find my blade. Fuck it was still packed!

I walk out and search through multiple boxes. When I find it, I don't even waste my time. I slice my skin right there. "Oh my god!" Alexander was still here. Dammit! Why can't he just leave me alone?

"Yeah see it's what I do." I cut my skin again. God it hurt but it felt so good. "Stop." I only did it again. The sharp silver blade across my pale soft skin hurt, but it was worth it. It took the pain of reality away. "Stop! Lexii stop!" He ran over to me and took the blade and threw it across the room.

He took my arm in his hands. He jerked me to my bathroom causing me pain. He was walking too fast for me since I hurt my ankle.

He ran the water and put my arm under it. He rubbed some of the blood off. It hurt because he was rubbing freshly cut skin. "Ow! Stop you're hurting me." I wined. He turned the faucet off and wrapped my arm in a towel.

"Leave me alone. I can take care of it myself." I pulled my arm from him and got the first aid kit from one of the boxes that had the bathroom stuff in it. I took out gauze and cotton like fabric and put it on top of my new cuts.

I walked over my bed. I felt like all the life had been drained from my body. "I want to be alone." I said. I felt like sleeping.. It must have finally gotten through to him. "If you need me.. You probably hate me but I don't care.. If you need me, call me. Stay safe." He kissed my forehead and left my room.

Wow. Best fucking first day ever!