Recover

Chapter Eighteen

Recover chapter eighteen

I popped the gray lid back on top of my hairspray bottle and set it down on the bathroom counter. I have no clue why I am actually attempting to look nice for some stupid party that is going to be forgotten the next morning. I pushed back my bangs and pulled my curled hair forward.

After tucking my white jeans in my black boots I stood up and examined myself in my mirror.

Terrible, just fucking ugly.

The little voice in my head spat. I tried ignoring and turning to the side to see how I looked.

Do you not see that bulge coming from my stomach?!

I pulled out my gray long sleeved shirt in the stomach area. My shirt was a solid gray in the front, but the material on my back was gray see through lace.

I couldn't fight the feeling of not being good enough. I gave into the little voice and sliced at my wrist one time. I became numb to cutting so I didn't have a problem with not crying. I hid my blade back in its drawer and cleaned myself up, making sure to pull my sleeves down.

I could hear the doorbell ringing over the loud running faucet. I shut the warm water off and slid my phone in my back pocket. I told Andrew goodbye before opening and shutting the door.

Gavin was towering over me in a pair of jeans and the sweatshirt I had gotten him. "Nice. Pink looks good on you." I playfully jabbed his elbow. "Pink is for real men! You look pretty hot yourself. I like your hair. It's just gaw-jus! Girl is that a weave?!" He asked trying to sound feminine.

"You're an idiot." He laughed and shut the drivers door of the car. "But you do look pretty."

I felt a little victory in the battle against the voice in my head. I know I shouldn't have cut, but it's the only way to stop it from saying more. "Thank you." I smiled.

I held on to Gavin's hand tighter than normal as we past sweaty bodies in the large three story house. I didn't even know people were this rich to have a three story house. "You're okay. These things are stupid. Trust me, I'll keep you safe." He mumbled in my ear.

I tapped Gavin's shoulder and pointed to Alexander hanging with a big group of guys. "Hey gorgeous." He complemented, wrapping his arms around me. "Hi."

Alexander moved over to Gavin and they began talking. Ten minutes later Gavin handed me the keys to his Jeep. "Just in case." He shouted over the music. I saw him take a beer bottle from Alexander's hand and gulp a sip.

Panic rose in me. What if this is the night all over again? I thought Jessie would be okay when I saw the red solo cup in his hand, but I was so wrong. My breathing quickened and my chest was closing in on me. I was having a panic attack. Fuck!

I tried not showing it, and calming myself down but it wasn't working. "Lexii, are you okay?" Gavin stressed. He held both on my arms in his hands. I shook my head no. He dragged me off to a room. Oh god no.. No..

I started hitting his chest trying to get out of his grip. Once I saw him lock the door, I knew I was done. I tried to stop crying and fight him off.

Gavin forced my body down to the bed, covering my mouth with his hand. I could feel his breathing down my neck. His breath reeked of alcohol. I bit down on his hand and he took the other one and slapped me across the face.

I could feel my lungs collapsing in on each other. Gavin's body weight was completely on top of mine, crushing my hips. I whimpered out in pain as his bit down on my lip. I just wished I was dead. I began scratching at my freshly cut flesh.