letters to dan // dan smith

Chapter 10

The next weekend, Beth is over at Dan's place again. It's becoming almost routine now, after she finishes her lessons, she goes to Dan's place. They drink tea, talk, sometimes they'll go somewhere, but as long as they're with each other, they're happy to be anywhere.

On this particular afternoon, Beth is reading, while Dan mucks around on his phone, answering the fan's questions on Twitter. Beth is completely absorbed in her book, so it takes a few attempts from Dan to get her attention. When she finally glances up, Dan waves the phone in her direction. She squints, trying to read the writing from the opposite end of the room.

"What does it say?" She asks, having given up trying to see it.

"Someone's asked if I have a girlfriend. Do we tell them?" He asks.

"Yeah, sure. I think that's a good idea," she mumbles, absorbed in her book once more.

"Beth?" Dan asks, trying to get her attention again. She looks up. "Come here."

She puts her book down and walks over to Dan. He takes her hand and pulls her down, so she's sitting on his lap.

"Smile," he tells her, holding up his phone, ready to take a photo.

Beth hugs him and kisses his cheek, squinting when his prickly stubble pokes her lips. Dan grins cheesily at the camera. The photo turns out adorable, and Dan replies to the fan, captioning it "about that... everyone meet @BethCollins"

He refreshes his feed to a storm of replies, most of which are "aww you guys are so cute!" and "beth is so pretty!".

Dan smiles at the replies, and Beth blushes and buries her face in Dan's soft sweater.

"They like you," Dan says in a sing-song voice, prodding Beth's shoulder.

***

Later that night, after Beth's already asleep and Dan's spent several hours tossing and turning in bed, he realises he won't be getting any sleep. After a moments hesitation, he climbs out of bed and walks over to his wardrobe, pulling out the box of letters. He climbs back into bed with it and sticks his hand in the box. The movement causes Beth to wake, but she doesn't move. Pulling out a letter at random, he begins to read.

Hey Dan! I've finally moved to London! Elsa came with me, but she's living on campus at the university. I'm living in mum's old apartment. It used to be up for rent, but she gave it to me. London's so big and beautiful, you're so lucky you grew up here, not boring old Manchester. The day Elsa and I arrived, we went shopping and bought heaps of stuff for my apartment. I used up all my birthday and Christmas money, plus some I'd saved up from guitar lessons (did I mention I teach little kids guitar? It's a pretty good job!). So the apartment looks pretty fab now. Probably because I've got heaps of posters of you guys in my bedroom, but whatever floats my boat right? We didn't have time to buy proper furniture, so I've had to make do with a coffee table and couch from an op-shop, and I'm sleeping on a blow-up mattress. Dad's coming up next weekend to help me get some other stuff in, like a bed and a desk, because it's too heavy to lift otherwise.

So, with my new life in London, I've decided to completely forget about my past. Forget about everything that's ever happened. As of three days ago, I was re-born and I don't remember anything from my "previous" life. The letters will probably become less frequent now, maybe I'll stop completely at some point. Maybe I'll meet you and tell you everything, and then I won't have to write anymore. Maybe one day, everything will change and I'll move to Africa and teach kids how to read. I want to change someone's life. I want to fall madly in love with someone and travel the world. I want to stay up all night and drink coffee and talk about random things. I want to go on a road trip around Australia. I want to be happy. Thinking about all this stuff makes me think, maybe some day I will be happy. But I don't think I will. I just have this feeling that I'm going to die because of me. Not old age, not illness, it's going to be my doing. I don't know when. Maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. Maybe ten years. Maybe everything will change and I will age with grace (no pun intended, sorry Dan), die of old age surrounded by my grandchildren in a warm and comfortable bed. That sure does sound tempting.

I was going through my old stuff before I moved out of my house in Manchester. Old photos of me, old posters, band merch, books, toys. It suddenly hit me how much I've changed. I used to be a little girl who loved playing with kittens and listening to popular boybands. I found some old diaries I'd written, and it was THE WEIRDEST thing I've ever read. It was like watching a doco about myself. I cringed at just about every single sentence, but it was still nice. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be "don't be in such a hurry to grow up. It's not as great as its made up to be."

So anyway, I don't know how much more I'll write, if I even write anymore. Just in case I don't, thank you Dan, for everything you've done for me.

Love Beth xxxx

Dan smiles at the letter, glad to see that her life finally seemed to be improving a bit, that Beth was becoming happier. He reads over it again, taking note of the fact that Elsa had moved to London with her, so the girls had probably been friends for a while now. Dan glances over at Beth, and finds her eyes open and watchful.

"What you looking at, cheeky?" He smiles, poking her cheek.

"Oh nothing... what you reading?" She questions, swatting his hand away and sitting up, Dan's t-shirt falling off one of her slim shoulders.

"The letters. How long have you been friends with Elsa?"

"Why?" She asks, looking at him with a silly grin on her face.

Dan repeats his thoughts on the letter and Beth nods.

"I've known her since I was 12," she says, sinking back onto the pillows that surround her and lying on her side, her back towards Dan, "we met on the first day of high school."

"Thought it'd be something like that," Dan mumbles. Tiredness suddenly hits him, and he lies down next to Beth. He puts his hand under her t-shirt and strokes her back, tracing random patterns on her warm skin, running his fingers up and down her spine, causing her to shiver.

"Tell me a story," she whispers.

"About what?" He asks.

"About a road trip," she tells him.

"Once upon a time--" He starts, but is almost immediately interrupted by an eruption of giggles.

"Hey! I'm telling this my way so don't complain. Once upon a time, a boy called Dan loved a beautiful girl called Beth very very much. One day, he was reading a letter she wrote for him, and decided to take her on a road trip around Australia. They flew to Australia, rented a caravan, and starting with Melbourne, drove all the way around the country for three months. They saw the dry desert, the snorkelled at the Great Barrier Reef and climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge..." Dan's low voice continues telling the story, his long fingers stroking Beth's back, even long after she's asleep.

In the morning, Beth wakes with a smile on her face.