unsaid things // phan (on hold)

Worthless

Ok, so I know that this is the worst possible thing to put at the beginning of a phanfiction, but (TRIGGER WARNING) I will put a // when suicide/self harm/harsh or suggestive language/graphic depictions of violence are mentioned.

(DAN'S POV)
//I winced in pain as a stray tear fell in to one of the freshly cut wounds on my arm. I was stood in front of the bathroom mirror looking at the hideous thing inside of it. My sloppy brown fringe curling at the tips from the sweat and tears, my brown eyes blood shot, my cheeks puffy and swollen from crying too much. I hated myself. So did everyone else, if they even cared enough to give a thought about me. Which is why I was content with what I was doing. No one would miss me. No one would care.

Adrian, the only one who actually loved me died in a car accident along with my father three years ago. Now I was stuck with my deadbeat mother who didn't give a damn about what happened to me, and was hardly around enough to notice if I was gone anyway. I could be dead for months and she wouldn't notice until she got a call from the school stating I wasn't there.

//Which is why I did what I did next. I ran out of the bathroom, blood dripping from my arm and landing on the carpet beneath me. I ran out the front door, not caring that I left it open, and when I reached my destination, I simply fell on my knees and let out a loud sob. I looked through tear filled eyes at the drop beneath me, It had to be at least 30 meters. I stood on the ledge of the old abandoned bridge and checked the time on my phone: 2:06 am. Annoyed with the device, I through it at the ground, shattering it to pieces. I looked down once again, and realized that I wasn't scared. Normally someone might be scared to fall from this great a height, knowing that once they've left the platform, they would fall into certain death. But I wasn't scared; I was ready. Ready to end all of the pain, all of the suffering: the taunting and sideways glances at school, the hurtful comments telling me to end my life on social media, all of the times that I've wished for a normal family, but got nothing but silence from the woman I was ashamed to call my mother. I just wanted it all to end. I was worthless and wanted to die, to make the pain go away.

//One foot was off the ledge and I was about to end my life and wake up to only peacefulness and bliss, where no one would think less of me. No one would think I'm a freak or an ugly emo bastard. No one would think that I am nothing but a burden to them. No one would remember me, and that's how I wanted it. I wanted to escape my misery and die in peace. I moved my other foot slightly closer to the edge--

"Wait!" I turned to look at who the voice was and to see why someone was at an abandoned bridge in the middle of the night.

It was a boy from my school. We had trigonometry together, he sat two rows in front of me. His name was Phil Letser, or something like that.

He spoke again, "Please don't jump." The ebony haired boy pleaded.

"Why do you care?" I questioned, "You don't even know me."

He looked at me with sad eyes. "I know but... I just don't like seeing people hurt themselves, because it may not seem like it now, but life will get better."

"Not for me." I said simply, "My life is a train wreck. I'm just a burden to everyone I meet. There's no point for me to stay, no one will miss me."

"I will." He looked down, "Please, don't do this." I looked at his now outstretched hand and debated whether or not to take it. After all, I did just meet him and I knew that he would get over it if I died. But something about his sad, loving, oceanic eyes made me want to just latch onto him and never let go.

A single tear ran down my face as I grabbed the boy's pale hand, and soon I was full out sobbing on his shoulder. I though he might tell me to get off of him since I was making his shirt all wet, but he just held me tighter, heat radiating off of his body making me feel wholesome for the first time in my life. And we just sat there in comfortable silence for the next hour or so until he looked at me with his beautiful, blue eyes, with flecks of green and yellow shimmering through, and said "Please don't try that again, I don't know if I could live with myself if you did." And then pulled me into his warm embrace once again.