unsaid things // phan (on hold)

Shattered

Hi! So some of you may have realized that this whole story has been in past tense, and in this chapter it will switch to present tense...k bye! (Also, don't forget to comment!)
~Alyssa

(DAN'S POV)

"Please don't do this!" I plead. My back is against the wall, I'm trying to back up but I can't. "Please! Stop, Daddy, please!" My small, seven year old self cries out in agony.

He is leaning over me, my knees curled up to my chest and arms wrapped around them. I begin to sob, tears streaming out of my eyes at a constant rate.

"You'll do what I say." He says harshly, mercilessly, as his drunken words slur out of his mouth. "I'm your father, you have to obey me!" He screams now, the smell of alcohol still on his breath.

I wince in pain as he grabs my shoulders and pins me against the wall. He then begins to undo his belt.

I choke down a sob as the hard leather comes into contact with the skin on my neck. Then he slaps me again, harder this time, leaving belt marks all over my skin. He hits my face, my arms, my legs, my chest. Everywhere there is skin, there's a huge amount of uncontrollable pain.

When he finally lets go of the belt, he replaces the absence of pain with a tight grasp around my neck. I choke and cough out in pain. "Please..." I manage to choke out, my voice hoarse and rough from the lack of air.

I'm getting dizzy. Everything is spinning around me, when I finally get air in my lungs.
The next thing my father does is somethings is been doing for months now, and something that he won't stop doing for about seven years after that.

He pulls off my clothes, so that I am exposed in front of him. I don't bother crying or screaming, it'll only make things worse. He then does what he's intended to do. He told me it was something that daddies do with theirs sons, and that other people wouldn't understand so I shouldn't talk about it. I believed him until I was fourteen.

He just kept going and going and going. I yell. I tell him to stop, "It hurts! Stop!" I'm crying. He won't stop. He's raping me, and I can't do anything.

When he's done with me, he kicks me and punches me. I can't hold back the tears. He's hitting and bruising me in all of the places that have been previously bruised and broken.
I hate this man. I hate my father, I hate him.

(PHIL'S POV)
I wake up to a sound of whimpering and harsh breathing next to me. I turn around to see an almost fragile looking Dan, shaking and shivering beside me. He'd gotten out of the hospital for about a week now and he'd been staying with me ever since.

I turn around, fully now, and see that he's crying. Tears are streaming down Dan's face and he's sniffling and whimpering. He must be having a nightmare.

I decide to wake him up as I don't want him to suffer throughout the rest of the night. "Dan," I whisper, moving his shoulders slightly, gently. "Dan?" His eyes fling wide open and his body shoots up, his forehead colliding with mine.

I wince and my hand moves up to my forehead as Dan does the same, "Sorry." He says softly.

"It's fine," I reply, "Are you okay? You seemed pretty freaked out, you were shivering and crying and stuff."

"Um, y-yah, it's n-nothing." Dan assures me, wiping his tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask hoping that he'll say yes and I'll finally understand a few more of the reasons why Dan is who he is.

"I, um, d-don't want to w-worry you with all of my p-problems...it doesn't m-matter a-anyway...it's n-not a big d-deal." He says shakily, turning away from me.

"Well it seems like a big deal from the way you were crying and shivering," I add, "But it's okay, you don't have to tell me...I understand."

"N-no. You t-told me e-everything about y-you, so I should do the same." He looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes. "W-when I w-was s-seven-ish, m-my d-dad, he, um..." His voice trails off.

"Dan, really, you don't have to tell me anything, we can talk about it another time if you want?" I ask the brown haired boy, not trying to be too persistent.

"No, I, I want t-to." Dan says warily, shaking his head, as if trying to convince himself. "S-so, when I was younger, m-my dad, um, he um, well, he...he r-raped me."

I don't know what to do, so I just look into those same brown eyes that I saw before, but I now realized that they are full of sorrow, regret, hurt, self-hatred, and fear. I see all of that in his eyes now that he's told me this huge, life impacting detail of his life. "How long?" I say, the worry and fear of what the answer might be clearly evident in my voice.

"About s-seven years." And then I break. My heart is shattered to pieces when I think of all the terrible things that this beautiful boy has had to go through. Tears well up in my eyes and I pull him into a tight hug, his head on my chest, and my chin in his brown floppy fringe. I feel his warmth spread throughout me, and I just grip him tighter. I feel Dan tugging and gripping at my shirt as if I am his only lifeline, the last thing tying him down and keeping him on this earth. And I love it. I want to stay here forever. I want to protect the fragile boy in my arms. The one that just fell asleep basically on my lap. The boy that I love with all my heart.