unsaid things // phan (on hold)

Awoken

Okay, so basically this entire story is just one big TRIGGER WARNING so I'm just gonna stop with the lines and crap...okay bye;)
~Alyssa

(DAN'S POV)
Darkness. That's all I could see. I heard the sound of footsteps on what seemed to be a tile floor. I also heard a heart monitor. I'm in a hospital. I thought. What happened? Did I do this? Is Phil here?

All these thoughts were racing through my mind, when I finally opened my eyes, the light burning when I did. At first everything was blurry, but then a pale boy with raven black hair, sleeping on the chair next to me, came into focus. Phil.

I tried to sit up, but immediately regretted it as I winced in pain. A sharp pain ran through my whole body and I let out a small whimper.

Phil must've heard it because he then shuffled in his chairs and opened his eyes. "Dan! You're awake!" He said excitedly. He ran out of the room shouting, "He's awake! Doctor! Dan's awake!"

He then ran back into the room and sat back down on the the chair, smiling, as a doctor who's name tag read 'Doctor Wong' came into the room. (If anyone watches Law and Order SVU, yes that's where I got the name)

"Hi, how are you doing mister Howell?" The Asian man in front of me asked.

"Um, I'm fine." I answered, my voice so hoarse it came out as barely a whisper. "Uh, how long have I been here?" I asked shakily.

"Well, it's been about two months since your friend found you...do you remember anything about that day?" Doctor Wong asked me.

Two months. Two months! I looked at him in disbelief, then at Phil who was still looking at me, a worried expression on his face. I'd assumed that was the 'friend' Doctor Wong was talking about. But then I remembered everything.

I remembered being beaten up in that alley by the guys from school. I remembered running home again only to cut my wrists over and over again. And I remembered grabbing the pills from the medicine cabinet and taking every single one of them. Then everything went black. I remembered it so clearly. I looked down at my wrists, which now we're stitched up from the deep cuts I had made before. "I-I did th-this." I replied, still looking down at my wrists.

Doctor Wong wrote something on his notepad. "Okay, well we are going to have to run a few more tests, then you will be put on 72 hour suicide watch. If we feel that you are stable enough to go home after that, then we will make arrangements. But, you will have to attend a one-on-one therapy session at least three times a week, and you must attend a group session once a month as well."

I let it all sink in. Three times a week, talking to some random person I've never met before, and letting them in on all of my thoughts and secrets. And that's only if they let me leave. Great. Just, great.

The doctor them walked out of the room to give Phil and I some time alone. He grabbed my left hand in both of his, "Dan," tears were welling up in his eyes. I hated seeing him like this. "Dan please, never do this again."

He was full on sobbing now, "I'm sorry." I said softly, tucking my arms under the thin, hospital sheets.

"For what?" Phil looked at me, confusedly, "It's my fault, I should've realized sooner that you were unstable...I'm sorry."

"It's not your f-fault...I've b-been like this for a l-long time..." My voice trailed off and my vision was cloudy now. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I looked away, not wanting Phil to see me like this, it would only make it harder for me to do what I was about to do next.

"Phil, um..." I started, already feeling a lump in my throat. "I think th-that we should, um, t-take a break for a while."

"What? Why?" The boy next to me asked, his voice shaky and tears streaming down his face again.

"I-I just don't want t-to hurt you..." I looked down, "I have depression, Phil. And that's forever. It can't be fixed, I can't be fixed. And I when I'm at my breaking point, I don't want to drag you down with me."

"B-but your not! You are the best thing that's happened to me! You don't understand, I, I love you. I'm in love with you and I always will be no matter what happens. Please, Dan, let me help you."

"Phil, please. Your making this really hard!" I was sobbing now, "I love you too, and I don't want to leave you, trust me I don't. But you have other friends, you'll be fine without me. You are a ray of sunshine, and I'm just a storm cloud. You are the nicest, sweetest, most lovable person I know, and I don't want you to resent me for taking that away from you."

"I don't care what you say," Phil pulled my chin over to look at him, "I will never leave you, and I will never give up on you. Because I love you so much." Then he pressed his lips on mine, careful as to not hit any of the tubes running through my arms.

"I believe you."