Doll house

Prologue

Silence...

I've been trying so hard to live with it...

To bear with it...

Everyday of my life.. Every single night and day...

And as far as I know, I'm barely succeding... HARDLY... IMPOSSIBLY...

You know, for everyone, my life's quite the ideal one..

I sleep every night in a hotel-like room with fancy ambiance.. I wake up every night in an elegant master bed.. I eat breakfast like a queen. I have my lunch ready by someone before I can even say that I'm quite hungry. And I have my dinner in a priceless table with magnificent carvings. Yes, I practically live in a Mansion.. I have all my life to spend every dime in my account assured for me by my parents. MAYAMAN...

Ako yon.

And I'm ranked 1 in the exclusive school where I study.

Yes, my life is IDEAL.

But you know what sucks?

Yun yung tuwing gabi matutulog akong humihiling na sana, panaginip lang ang lahat, na sana paggising ko, babalik na sa normal. At tuwing umaga, gigising ako na alam kong hindi ako nanaginip ng nakaraang araw, at parang hindi ko na gugustuhing imulat yung mata ko because there's no one waiting for me to do so.

There's no one to wake up with me like we used to.

Like how I want it to be!

And you know what hurts more?

Yung bawat hakbang ko sa hagdan at bawat lakad at galaw ko, para akong dinudurog unti-unti dahil sa katotohanang wala na akong makakasamang mabuhay sa mundong ito.!

Dahil ang mga magagaling kong magulang, iniwan na ako nang mamatay sa aksidente sa sasakyan kasama ang nakababata kong kapatid!

Iniwanan nila akong sa napakalaking bahay na toh.! Anong pakielam ko dito?! Palagay ba nila magiging masaya ako dahil sa kayamanan na toh?! Anong silbi nitong napakalaking mansyon kung ako lang ang nakatira at araw-araw kailangan kong harapin ang katotohanan na yon?!

I'm just like a barbie doll wondering around my doll house with no one to play with..

No one to eat with.!

No one to talk or chat with.

No one to argue with.!!

And I feel nothing at all..

I'M NUMB...

Pero hindi lang yon, dahil nga sa IDEAL ang buhay ko, I've been inlove with this easy-go-lucky guy who never gave a sh*t about my existance!

Who never cared for me.!

Who never even talked to me!

And talk about suffer, he had a girlfriend, (currently his ex), who was never better than me.. I mean, never better that ANYONE!

She doens't give a damn about anything..

She can't accomplish ANYTHING.!

Such a nonsense.. Kung hindi lang sya ang anak ng may-ari ng school, malamang matagal ng napatalsik yun...

And you know what else?

I have this so called DIARY na kung saan, doon ko lang nasusulat ang mga naraamdaman ko araw-araw.

Gusto kong isigaw lahat ng sakit sa puso ko, pero hindi ko magawa..

Ang Diary ko lang ang nakakaalam at napagbubuhusan ko ng lahat ng hinanakit ko, and that Diary can never EVER speak..

Can never tell me that everything will be alright and that I'm strong enough for this.

Can never wipe away my tears and give me reasons to live and smile.!

Can never love me and can never make everything how I want it to be!!

And those who can......

They never did....

.

.

Silence... It breaks me..

My parents left me..

My brother abandoned me..

My love tortures me...

My diary betrays me..

And this house burns me...

.

.

My life's ideal? Yeah, right...