Intricacies; oneshots

dizzying

half rant, half oneshot

Too much time left, not nearly enough time left

I can't wait for school to be over. Im dying to end high school. I need to go to college, i dont want to go through it. I dont want to be an adult, i cant wait to be an adult. And then what?

Im thinking about the people leaving my life, for college or because theyre moving. And soon enough, it's me whos gonna be gone. And im dizzy and i cant think in a straight line anymore. The thoughts cloud my brain and suddenly i feel like im drunk, but not the good kind of drunk, even though ive never been drunk before. The future is swimming and uncertain, the future is perfectly planned out for me as it is for anyone in america. Go to college, mediocre degree, mediocre job that i dont enjoy, a spouse of the opposite sex, two and a half kids, retirement home, and death.

Theres so much i want to do and no time to do it.

I spend the day wishing for it to be over but not really wanting the next day to come and even though im happier now than i was the same time last year, im just as dizzy.

But when i lie in bed at 9 pm - because i go to bed early now - and i cant sleep, they come crashing down as if they never left and im dizzy dizzy dizzy.

I regret not keeping in contact with the only people who made me happy, im sorry. I still love you and you're still my best friends, even if im not yours.