The Silent Fighter

Mama

"Mama!" Susana screams at the top of her lungs as she wraps her arms around her. I just watch as my little sister hugs the woman I haven't seen in three months. Once she lets go of Susana, she comes to face me. She looks into my blue eyes and I look into hers. She's smiling and I just look at her. I want to smile, but I can't bring myself to. I don't know what's keeping me from smiling, I want to so bad, but I can't.

"Hi honey," she finally says and hugs me tight. I finally come to my senses and hug her back. She smells terrible so I don't breathe until she lets go. "I missed you," she smiles.

"I missed you too-" I start to say when Susana cuts me off.

"Mommy come to the play room!" My mom follows the little four-year old into the play room while I wait in the kitchen with my aunt and uncle. None of us say anything. They come back smiling and laughing.

"Well," my mom starts, "we'd better get going."

"Okay," I say, "I'll go get my stuff!"

"Girls wait," she stops us, "you're staying with Aunt Lyra and Uncle Bob still, just for a little longer." I look at Susana and her lip starts quivering.

"But I miss you Mama I want to come home with you!" She starts balling and rolling on the floor. I just stare at my mom.

"Why can't we go with you, you're fine now. You're out of the m-" I stopped myself from saying what I was going to say, "you're out of the hospital, you're blood pressure is fine now, that's why you're allowed to leave-" she stops me.

"Autumn you need to stop this I just need some time to myself. Andrew and I are going back home and working things out, I have to go back to the doctor every once and a while to make sure my blood pressure is okay." I want to scream at her. I want to say 'You've had time to yourself for three months! You have children who depend on you to take care of them! You're choosing Andrew over your own children! What happens if we get hurt and have to go to the hospital? What happens if we're in an accident or get cancer and you're not there for us? You won't know a thing about your kids! We love you and miss you! And you're not even going to take that into consideration? You're just going to leave?' I want to say that so badly, I want to scream, but I don't.

"Okay," I say instead. Susana is still on the floor crying. My mom hugs and kisses us and walks out the door to meet Andrew. I help Susana up and wipe her tears.

"I-I-I want M-Mommy," she chokes out.

"She'll be back Susie," that's what I call her for short, "we're just gonna stay with Aunt Lyra and Uncle Bob a few more nights, we'll be home in no time," I smile at her, "do you want to go outside?" She nods, but she doesn't have that wide grin like she usually does when we suggest something she likes.

"Actually," Aunt Lyra stops us, "Susana your dad will be here in about ten minutes, I just got off the phone with him. Autumn your dad will be here in twenty minutes."

"Can't we wait outside for him?" I ask.

"Well, Autumn, he'll be here any minute-" Uncle Bob cut her off.

"Of course you can wait outside," he smiles and Susana and I head outside. I can't stop thinking about my mom and the way she just left us. As I think, Susana struggles to get on the swing. I see her and help her up, I start to push her on the swing. I see her head down and I can't see those beautiful, green eyes of hers.

"Hey look at me," I bend down to her level. "Mommy will come back to get us I promise," she looks at me and I can finally see her eyes.

"Pinky promise?" This is a very big promise, you don't break the pinky promise.

"Pinky promise," we shake pinkies and she smiles at me.

"Push me, Sissy, push me!" She's back to her old self, let's hope she keeps it that way. I've been pushing her on the swing for about ten minutes when we hear the familiar voice of John.

"Oh Miss Susana," John sings out.

"Daddy! Daddy! Yay!" She runs over and wraps her arms around him. I remember when I used to be like that, I remember a lot.

"Hi Susana, I missed you," he smiles at her. "Hi Miss Autumn," he looks at me, "how are you?"

"I'm good," I smile at him.

"Good, Susana are you going to give your sister a hug before you leave?" Susie gasps, almost in shock, and sprints over to me and gives me a big hug, I return it.

"Bye bye Sissy!"

"Bye Susie!" Then they left. Now it's just me standing in the backyard. I don't want to go inside because then I have to talk to my aunt and uncle and I don't feel like it right now. I don't want to stay outside either because I'll be alone. So as a compromise, I sit on the swing and start swinging. As soon as I start getting really high, my dad arrives at the gate to get into the backyard.

"Time to go kiddo." I grab my stuff, say goodbye to my aunt, and uncle and get in the car. We're silent for most of the ride. Usually to break the ice, my dad will start the ABC game. It's a game you play in the car where you find the letters of the alphabet in order. You can only find letters outside of the car like on signs and stuff like that, the person who gets to Z first wins. It's pretty fun, but he doesn't do that this time. I just wish things were like what they used to be, back when everything was just fine.