Purpose || phan (book 2)

8.6

There were gunshots down the hallway and a throbbing pounding in the side of my head. I waited curled up in the corner for what seemed like forever. Soon enough, everything was quiet. That's when I made my dash down the hall. Once again, theirs bodies all over the place. But I have no urge to help them. Not even 10 feet anyway is a door. Behind the door, a bright red light is shining through the cracks. And there's screaming. God awful screaming. It's Dan. I can recognize it from anywhere. There's a burst of speed from my feet to fling myself further. 8 feet. 7 feet. 6 feet. But as I reach for the door, I'm flung backwards. Through the air and my body hits the floor with a thud. I heave myself up and try again, only to have the same result. But when I land, it's more or less lighter then last time. Confused, I try again. And again. Until I'm worn out. But my landing is like a feather by now. The screaming had stopped but I hadn't. But my body is exhausted. I try to stand but collapse in heap on the floor. Desperately, I struggle to keep my eyes on the door, the red light glowing as bright as before. I want to give up but there's a tearing in my heart. Those screams belonged to Dan. Slowly and painfully, I crawl towards the door. With every inch I make, the lighter the red becomes and I'm forced to shut my eyes. Suddenly, I slide across the floor. When I open my eyes? I'm farther away then when I started. Again, my eyes begin to shut. Maybe this is it. There's a gunshot from behind the door and a scream of pain. My body shoots up and as if with a new given strength, I propel myself forward. And once again, I'm shot back, this time hitting a wall. There's no pain on my back but my eyes begin to water. Another yell comes from behind the door. It's Dan. His voice is call and eventually slows to a whisper: "The more you try, the faster I die."

My upper body shoots forward as I snap out of my dream. My breath comes out in long, drawn out breaths. Next to me, Dan stirs in his sleep. I shouldn't wake him up.

Instead, I push back the sheets and slip out over to the window. Outside, the street has cars driving back and forth. It's only 10:00. Despite what happened in the past, I'm still having nightmares over what happened, each a different version but with the same message.

The shooting that happened at my school scared me for life, there was no denying that. A major headache began to come over me forcing me to hold my head in my hands. What if I have ptsd? I've already been through depression.

There was a sound behind me and Dan sat up. "Phil?" His eyes squint at me. His voice is deeper when he just wakes up. I don't answer. "It's 10:00. What are you doing up." He glances at the clock.

"Couldn't sleep." I answer which isn't completely a lie. But I decide to leave out the nightmare. To my dismay, Dan gets up and sleepily stumbles over to me. I don't want to talk about it...

He sits on the window sill across from me and looks out. I take the time to look at his features. His brown eyes are clouded with sleep, his hair is beautifully wavy, and the way the lights outside shine make his skin look rather pale. There's a flicker of movement and his eyes catch me staring.

My blue ones and his brown ones share a look for what seems like forever. "So..." He speaks eventually. His voice sends a ripple of shivers down my back. I glance down at his parted lips turn back up when he finally speaks again. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. I pull my legs up to my face and rest my chin on them.

"I think I'm fine." I announce before looking back out. Not even a few hours ago, Dan and I were having dinner in a restraunt just down the street from here. Japan really is different from London. A few people speak English but for the most part, just Japanese.

Though not use to it, the food was amazing. There was one point when we were walking where Dan kept texting someone. My immediate thought was that it was Jessica but I wasn't in the position to be assuming something like that. He had noticed how often I watched him text and quickly put his phone away. He didn't take it out again after that. Dan has promised that tomorrow we would see cherry blossoms. I always thought of those as somewhat romantic and sweet.

"Phil? Phil!" I liked away from the window. Dan gave me a concerned look. Did I really zone out? "Your sure your okay?" He asked.

I nod. "Positive. Just thinking." I reassured him. He gave an amused chuckle.

"It's so weird." He says seriously. I look at him and his face is contorted into a weird expression.

"What is."

He give me a look. "Not even three months ago...at the school-"

"Stop." I put a hand in dans leg. "Can you try to forget about it?" It comes out a little more forcefully then I expect. Dan bites his lip that secretly drives me a little crazy inside. But he nods. "Good." I breathe and take my hand away from his leg."

We sit at the window for a while. I wonder if people can see us up here? finally, Dan makes a move to get up. "It's late." He looks back at me. "You coming back to bed?"

I think about what he just said and how it sounds. He really does care. It's almost as if we're actually...

"Yeah." I get up and follow him before i can finish the thought. Dan sits on the end of the bed and pulls his shirt off his head. I stop myself in surprise. "What are you doing?" I try not to sound as alarmed as I feel. He cocks his head to the side and grins.

"It's hot. Duh." He keeps his pants on thank god. With the thought of dans body in mind, I reluctantly crawl into bed after him. I pull the blanket up to my nose and keep my back to him. My eyes feel heavy but my mind is wide awake. I can't sleep with dan shirtless next to me.

Half an hour later, my eyes open from sleep for the second time this night. I lift my head to check the time. Almost midnight. I sigh leaves my mouth in frustration. Why can't I sleep? I was never known for being homesick or having insomnia. I move my head so I can see Dan. He's lying stomach down and the blankets have fallen down to his waist.

His back is strong and almost threatening. His arms are folded to provide a pillow for his head and his face isn't towards me. If I didn't know him so well, I would think Dan capable of hurting me.

Heart pounding in my chest, I contemplate what I did the first night: is it worth it? My will power to keep myself on my side of the bed looses and I find myself flipping over closer to him. As I struggle in the sheets, Dan stirs and turns over on his side so he's facing me. Worry of him opening his eyes and see if my distance from him scares me into turning back to face the night stand.

Suddenly there's a strong arm around my side pulling me back. I let out a gasp of surprise as my back touches dans chest. I still have a shirt on but I can feel his body warmth passing through the fabric and onto me. As if everything stops, I can feel my heart beat and hear my blood rushing in my ears. The shock of the matter sinks in. Dan has his arm around me and his body pressed against mine.

My hair prickles when I feel his breath on my neck. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." He whispers and I feel his face fall against my back. My stomach churns. Wether he knew about my dreams of his death or felt he had neglected me the other day, it doesn't matter anymore. I realize he can be so conflicting with my emotions and I don't know why. One minute he's being adorable with me and he knows it, next he's pushing me away.

I shut my eyes and let myself relax in his grip. Sleep takes over from there.

Actors, singers, and fictional characters make me want to scream I swear to god