If There Is A Light

Chapter 20

"She what?" Newt did not give Gally any time to respond. He knew what he had said the first time. He just wanted to reject the idea of that. Unfortunately asking a second time did not make him forget the first answer. Without a second glace in the larger boy's direction Newt stormed away. He had gotten the information he wanted, and just a little bit more.

He pushed branches away from his body angrily. A couple of them slapped against his legs, but that feeling was not registering yet. Gally had been right. She sat there humming to herself peacefully as she let her feet splash in the water.

"Hey." The gruff voice startled her. She whipped her head around and smiled at Newt, pulling herself into a standing position. Her smile fell when she realized that his was nowhere to be found. She took a few steps closer to him, but stopped halfway. "So... I was looking for you today. Gally told me that you said you'd be here. Want to bloody explain that?"

She did not answer. He knew she would not though. "Gally?! You've got to be bloody kidding me?! How often do you blokes chat? Is he the only one? Or is it just me that you don't want to talk to?"

She took a deep, labored breath. She was not sure even if she did speak it would calm him down or even if he would want to hear what she had to say now. She knew she had messed up, and she felt awful for it. Newt was not blind to the fact she was no longer smiling rather than trying to keep her tears away, "You've got to give me something. I know you're not that daft. If I'm wasting my time then you know what... don't say anything. If I'm not though, I need something... please."

She wanted to scream now, but as usual she was speechless.

"Shuck it." Newt finally met her halfway. His hands found their way to her cheeks. He had to lean down, but he was able to close the gap in between their lips. This is what had been playing in the back of his mind for a while now. It had always been under very different circumstances, but he would use the opportunity that he was given. He had no clue what he could say that would open her up, to convey how much he wanted her in every sense of the word, psychically and emotionally. He pulled away just enough so that he could rest his forehead on hers. Newt could not bring himself to open his eyes, afraid that he would not be able to find the emotion he desperately wanted to see in her eyes.

He could hear the leaves fluttering off of the tree in the breeze and hitting the soft ground... He pulled away completely this time, "Okay. Okay... I will see you later..."

She tried to grab his hand, but he yanked it away and left her standing there. He did not even look back, but what did she expect? Newt had been so patient with her. He could have probably went another month or two with silence if he did not feel so betrayed by her. He had tried so hard.

Newt did not pay much attention to what was going on back at the Glade. He pushed past everyone with his head down, only raising his hand in acknowledgement at the 'You okay?'s and 'What's wrong?'s. He sat down on a bench in the homestead. It was the perfect spot. It felt so very accommodating to his mood: lonely and dark.

It was not fair. He gave her every opportunity. He was patient and understanding. He was pretty sure he had given her plenty of hints to let her know how he felt. He wanted so badly to be the one she opened up to. He would have been upset if she did not share his deeper feelings, but bloody hell it felt like she stabbed him in the back when she spoke to Gally first. Newt had been by her side practically the whole time she had been at the Glade, if he was not her romantic interest then by god he was at least her best friend. Or that's what he thought. He felt bad about giving up. It was not a guilty feeling, but rather than there was grief over what he had imagined they could be like together.

His head fell into his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. He sighed when he felt the presence of someone behind him. It was Alby. Alby always had to fix everything, but he still felt like being broken for just a while longer, "We can talk about this later?"

When he did not hear a response he looked up. He really wished he didn't. "Please. I told you I can't keep this up. I'll get over it. I will. Just give me a few days."

She did not leave, but stuck out her hand. He ignored her. Why did she have to make this so difficult? Part of him wanted to tell her to shuck off, but the part that still felt something for her wanted to take her hand and follow her wherever she would lead him. He knew he was just going to make this harder on himself, but he took it anyways.

She silently led him to the wall where they had all carved their names. The only one missing was hers. She would never tell them what it was. Some of the Gladers had wondered if she had ever gotten that memory back. She took out her knife and made work of it on the cement, but she was careful to block what she carved with her body. When she was finished she turned to face him. With a deep breath she opened her mouth, "Ellia. That's my name and I wanted you to be the first one to know it... and I wanted to tell you... not have you read it." She took a step away from the fresh scratch on the cement.

It was Newt's turn to be quiet this time, so Ellia took up the slack, "I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to say. I wanted it to be perfect since you've been so... I don't know .... so you. With Gally it just came out one day. He said something really stupid and I guess I couldn't not correct him. I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it, but I couldn't. I'm very sorry Newt. I hope you can forgive me... you know in a few days."

Newt expected that a simple I'm sorry would not suffice for all the pain that had been rushing through him for the past half an hour, but honestly the I'm sorry was not even what he was focused on. He had stopped listening after she said her name. It was so perfect for her, "Ellia." It just felt right on his lips.

"Newt?" And to think that he thought hearing her name was amazing. The sound of his name coming from her just filled so many dreams and desires of his, "Say something..."

He did not. Not to repay for her for her hours of silence. All this time he had just wanted to hear her speak and now that she had all he wanted to do was cover her mouth. Without warning or hesitation Newt pulled her into a lip bruising kiss, and this time she returned it. He savored the taste, but broke the contact in need of oxygen (he really wished he could hold his breath longer).

A few tears slid down Ellia's cheeks, "Are you still going to need a few days?"

Newt wiped them away with his thumb and laughed at the girl, "Bloody hell, Ellia. Do you ever shut up?" Ellia smiled against his lips.