A Second Chance

Part 10 - Moving On

Rj found himself in front of Mela's house in a village in Las Piñas. He's been driving around for hours now. And dito sya napadpad. Mela has been his doctor when he suffered depression. His dad recommended her, his friend's daughter. He has been seeing her for therapy for a year now. Since her father is dad's friend, she's been invited on some occasions during their family events and vice versa. Eventually their doctor-patient relationship became a doctor-friend relationship. Being his doctor, she knows everything he has gone through. And he can consider her his closest 'girl' friend since....

He prefers to be by himself when he can. But when he has bouts of depression and his dreams, Mela's the first person he calls and she would always make herself available. They would go out on a friendly date, sometimes with Sam and Rizza. Lately, he noticed the subtle change in her. She became clingy in every sense of the word. She would send text messages everyday just to say hi or about random things. She would call out of the blue to ask him if he's okay, if he's not having an anxiety attack. At times, she would ask him if he can accompany her to her friend's birthday or wedding. Her friends would thought they are an item and he would neither deny nor confirm it, he just let them think what they want to think, he don't care. Even Sam asked him about her. But he would just shrug off Sam's inquiry. He didn't confront nor ask her about it. He just let her be, thinking that somehow, sometime, maybe, just maybe he might learn to let go of his past and stake his heart to love again.

But tonight is one of those times that he needed her and his first to go to her house in the middle of the night uninvited. He needed someone to talk to. To vent out his anger, his frustration. His mind can't let go of his conversation earlier with his cousin. It's been hard enough to contain his feelings and not think about it. He's making progress now but somehow someone would bring the past and he is back to square one. They would always ask him how he is. If he has recovered. To move on. Yada, yada, yada... That is why he prefers to be by himself or with her.

I've tried. How many times have I tried to move on? Damn it! Everytime I made a step forward, I move 2 steps backward. I still can't say her name aloud. It's been...3 years 6 months and 24 days, counting the days has been automatic each morning I wake up. My heart is being ripped apart. It's like She has held my heart and brought it with her. I can't function right. Everything I do reminds me of her.

Ritsard, no! I don't like your hair like that and she would comb my hair the way she wants it.
Tara let's eat isaw and kwek kwek and she would drag me to her favorite suki outside school
Ritsard, let's have coffee and we would go to Starbucks and order her favorite coffee
Ritsard, let's put mint in our water para cool and she would laugh at her own joke.
She loves to make faces. She loves playing around. She loves to irritate the hell out of me until I get mad then she would sweet talk me. She doesn't like PDAs but she loves to cuddle when nobody's around. She loves me calling her my bibi. She loves me biting her lip when I kiss her. She loves kissing the mole on my neck....and everytime she does that....Damn! Stop it now Rj.

See? Maybe I'm not trying enough to forget. Maybe I should try it now. And maybe Mela has the answer, maybe she can make me forget. She thinks I don't know those glances she throws at me. Those simple touches. The smiles. I'm aware of it all. Well, let's have it, let's clear it up. He went out of his car, his walk unsteady and knock on her door.

'Doc!' He called and knock... 'Mela!' Louder this time. He leaned on the door. A moment later the door opened. He stumbled inside and Mela catched her in time before his face fell down the floor.

'What the..?!? Richard? What are you doing here? It's late' she smelled the alcohol. 'And you're drunk!'

Richard sat up on the floor laughing...'don't Richard me...I'm Ritsard to her. She loves to call me Ritz-zard..' his speech slurred. 'I'm not drunk, just tipsy' Mela helped him stand up but he avoided her hands 'no, I can manage', he noticed Mela wearing a thin dress, he could almost see the curve of her body and breast silhoutted by the dim light. He stared at her body.... It's not good to stare...he heard 'her' voice. She doesn't want to be stared at and she would pinch his ear everytime he would do that. I can't help it, you're beautiful...he would always say.

'Really? You're here in the middle of the night to say tha I'm beautiful? Mela ask

Richard didn't realized he said it aloud. His eyes traveled her body again. Her usual attire whenever he sees her are coats over a blouse, pants or long skirts. She's got a nice body with long legs. She maybe spending time at the gym.

As if she could read his mind ' I'm already sleeping. I wear this when I sleep' pointing at her sleepwear and put her hands on her waist. She doesn't seem to mind that he can see almost all of her.

'Yeah, right, I can see that...' he averted his eyes and look around his surroundings. 'You've got a nice house here. Homey. Are you alone here? You should at least have a maid' he walk further inside the house bringing him in the receiving area. 'You shouldn't have opened the door right away. Di mo alam kung magnanakaw ang nasa labas ng pinto' he knows he's blabbering. 'You -'

'Why are you here?' Mela interrupted. 'What happened? Why are you drunk? Are you having it again?' referring to his anxiety attacks.

He hesitated. 'No. Yes!' he began pacing. 'I'm not drunk. I just...I..' and he told her conversation with Ryan....'what an insensitive idiot! I didn't asked for his opinion. Who is he to tell me na kalimutan ko na si Me- -..' he stop. He was about to say her name.

'Say it! Say her name!' Hamon ni Mela

'Don't. Start. It' Richard warned. 'I need a friend right now not a doctor' he pleaded. 'Argh..I'm tired of this! God, I'm so, so tired!' He sat on the couch behind him, look up the ceiling 'I'm trying. God knows how I'm trying!' tears roll down his cheeks. 'Pero bakit ang sakit pa rin hanggang ngayon? The guilt is still here. The loss. She's embedded in my mind, my heart. Am I not trying enough?' He ask her.

'You are' Mela knelt in front of him. 'But you have not tried enough to expose yourself sa mga bagay na makakasakit sayo pero mapapagtibay nito ang puso mo' and she put her hand on his chest. It lingered there. 'You have closed your heart. Maybe it's time to open up, Richard. Look around you, maraming nagmamahal sa'yo. You just have to look around'.

He look at her hand on his chest and then at her. I know what you mean. Kaya ko bang magmahal ulit? Isa lang..isa lang ang mamahalin ko. Isa lang ang babaeng gusto ko. But she's no longer here. Kaya ko bang maging masayang muli? Live without her? Tama sya. I'm not trying enough. Maybe if I would try a little harder.

Thinking about it, he cried more. He cried for the love of his life, that will never be. He doesn't care kung anong hitsura nya. His heart is breaking again and again and again. It has been ripped open time and again and he's amazed na buhay pa sya. Hindi nya alam kung hanggang kelan sya magiging ganito.

'Help me forget Mela. Pagod na akong nasasaktan. I'll go crazy'.

Mela held his face in both of her hands 'I will Richard...I will help you forget her' she wiped his tears with her fingers and kiss him on the lips.

He let her kiss him. Di nya alam kung handa na sya to let all of 'her' go. Pero kelan? Kelan ako magiging handa. I should try. Isn't this what I wanted? I should give myself a chance. A chance to be happy. He concentrated on what Mela's doing. Mela's lips are inviting. He kissed her back this time. Pilit kinakalimutan ang nakaraan. I must try. He pulled her up to him and she sat astride on his lap. I should forget. This is the only way I know. I'M SORRY MAINE, MY LOVE.....

🍂 🍂 🍂 🍂 🍂 🍂

Oh.Em.Gee 😭😭

Di maka move on si Richard......I can feel his hurt 💔💔

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