Costco Kisses

That Awesome Rush

We hadn't talked in a month today. Well, that wasn't completely true. We had talked when we were forced to in history but outside of class she didn't even look at me. I bet she regretted it all. Regretted kissing me and all the shit that went down that night.

Why am I such a fuck up?

Ever since my dad went to jail 9 years ago my head didn't work, or so my ma says. I never understood why she always had to put me down like that. I was nine, what was I supposed to do? Step up and be the man of the house. Yeah right. I was scared. I was scared I would turnout just like him. I mean I thought I was going to become a killer. And my mom had the nerve to stress me out and tell me I don't use my head.

For some reason I was even more stressed out now that Kyla wasn't talking to me because for some odd reason I thought this silence was going to turn me into a psycho killer. I wanted to take her out, show her a good time. Be like that man I was with my old girlfriend Mira.

With Mira I wasn't afraid to be the man and I didn't care if she was uncomfortable. It was pretty much all about the sex. And man was it good, with her body, it had to be. But there wasn't any intimacy there. All just lust. No...dare I say, love? No I mean I think she loved me but I didn't love her.

The way I determine love is when I hug them. When I hug them for a long soothing time, do I feel a rush of pleasure rush over my back and to my toes or is it like as if I were hugging an inanimate object. Basically, instead of the tingle, it felt as if I were hugging a plank of wood. Not the best feeling.

But the thing is when I pulled Kyla up from the pool...I felt the rush. Like none before. The only other time I had gotten that rush was hugging my father, before he went crazy. I loved my father unconditionally and I just established that rush of goodness with love. It's crazy but I still use it to this day.

I couldn't get enough. The rush was the best drug you could ever receive. No other drug could substitute this feeling of safeness. And once you had a supply of it you never wanted to let it go.

And I had found my supplier of the miracle drug. I never wanted to let her go.

I decided I needed to do something about my silence dilemma so I psyched myself up to go ask Kyla on a date. I had to prepare myself for any answer, yes, no, maybe, I was ready.

I spotted her during our lunch period walking up to the lunch stand with Chloe.

"You can do this," I whispered to myself as I walked up. I tapped Kyla on the shoulder. She looked back with a sour look on her face that changed to a sheepish smile when she saw me.

"Hey Tajon," she said and I remembered how much I missed her voice.

"Hi..." I said feeling like an idiot that had just interrupted this girl's perfect day. I suddenly needed encouragement. I panicked and I guess Chloe could tell.

"Can I talk to you alone?" Chloe said and grabbed my arm with force I wouldn't expect from her. She pulled me to one of the biggest trees on campus.

"What are you doing?" She asked looking into my eyes like they would tell her the whole story.

"I'm trying my best to ask her out," I said and looked down avoiding eye contact. She sighed and smiled reassuringly and grabbed my shoulders.

"You got this, and by the way she hasn't stopped talking about you," with that information I was ready.

I walked back up to Kyla who had been observing from afar and looked a little weirded out.

"Hi again, so I was wondering and it's totally okay if you say no but I was wondering if you'd want to go out sometime?" I said rushing my words. If I believed in god I would be praying right now.

She smiled, oh god, that smile was beautiful.

"Sure," She said and laughed a bit. "I'll go."

I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I was happy and relieved but then also afraid of what would happen later.

"I-I'll pick y-you up at eight on Saturday?" I asked my eyes lighting up with excitement.

"Ok see you then," She said and pulled Chloe and herself away from me. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was keeping and it almost felt as if my heart was leaping out of my chest.

I have a date to plan.