Costco Kisses

tw: choking but not in the hot way

I could barely remember where I was when I woke up in an unfamiliar room. I don't think I'd ever been here before. It wasn't Charlotte's house and it wasn't Kyla's house, so where was I. I looked down at the grey bedsheets and the white carpet underneath the bed and nothing sparked any clues.

Then Jo walked into the room. And everything came back. Climbing out the window, Kyla's leg, the hospital, her dad, cheating, the police station, yelling, the bar, Kaitlin and Jo. So I had crashed at one of their places.

"Morning sleeping beauty, or should I say afternoon." she sat at the edge of the bed looking at me then the floor. "You were really fucked up last night."

"Yeah, well I had my reasons," I chuckled lightly and I felt lightheaded.

"What exactly were those reasons again?" Jo's eyes shot up from the floor to me with small fires behind them. She already knew what had happened. How could she not have? She wanted me to say it though, admit to what I had done to another innocent girl.

"You know what I did..." I trailed off, not playing into her scheme. I knew she was going to yell at me so I decided to push it off as much as possible.

"No...no actually, I don't know 'what you did'. Please, enlighten me." She said with venom coating every word.

"I fucked her over..." I trailed off again, looking anywhere but at her. I couldn't bare to look at her.

"To be specific, you fucked Miriam. That is how you fucked Kyla over." I sat up and put my head in my hands when she said this. I did. It was true. Maybe mom was right. Maybe I really don't use my brain. "You always do this shit Tajon! You take a perfectly innocent girl that has the capability to love and you fuck her shit up so much that she is left with nothing. You did that with Mia and now with Kyla."

I started to cry. Not just a couple tears streaming down but full on sobs broke through my lungs as she continued to yell at me.

"You deserve everything coming to you, you are a piece of shit who fucks other people over. That's all you're good for. I'm suprised you didn't kill her. I wouldn't be suprised if you did. Just like your old man did!" She spat down at me. That was the last straw.

I jumped up from the bed and pushed her up against the wall. My forearm pinning her by her neck to the wall. I wasn't like him. I couldn't. I can't.

"I'm not like him! I'm not. I can't, I won't. I..." I looked at Jo's face to see wide eyes and a red face, oxygen deprived and I pulled away fast; Horrified of what I had done. I fell to the ground and clutched my knees, rocking back and forth, repeating over and over. "I won't, I won't, I won't..."

Jo sat leaning against the wall she had just been pinned up against, catching her breath and massaging her neck which ached from pressure. When she registered the situation she quickly got up, and ran out the door and I sat staring at where she had been sitting.

What had I done? How could I have done that to someone? Am I really the monster my mother told me I was? I couldn't be... but yet again I did just almost kill Jo. Jo who had been kind enough to let me stay here, I almost killed her. I don't know what came over me. What made me do that. Is this what happened to my dad when he went crazy?

I couldn't breathe so I layed on the ground, curled in a ball waiting for anything to happen. My thoughts ran amuck and I couldn't control myself. I was capable of killing someone. No part of me wanted to but I knew now that I could. That thought alone scared me half to death.

Soon enough, as I lay on the ground I saw Kaitlin rush into the room with Jo behind her, standing in the doorway. She kneeled down to me and I heard the faint sound of her voice but I couldn't recognize the words that came from his lips. She shook my body on the ground but I was trapped in my conciousness. That was until she smacked me.

I suddenly surged out from my brain back into my body. I felt everything around me and I looked up into Kaitlin's eyes, stressed and panicked. I calmed my breathing as she glanced from me to Jo then said something indistinct and Jo rushed away.

"Hey, hey..." She consoled me as I shook with shallow breaths, fighting away tears on the ground. She stared down at me with a look I'd never seen someone look at me with. A mix of terror and concern. "It's going to be ok, ok?"

I nodded fiercely and looked up at the popcorn ceiling and tried to calm myself. Then Jo walked back into the room with a glass of water. She gave the glass to Kaitlin and sat on the bed, looking down at me. Kaitlin sat me up and made me drink water and take deep breaths.

I was suddenly made aware of the trauma I had just put Jo through. I quickly turned around from facing Kaitlin to facing Jo and she jumped back on the bed at the movement. I paused, animalistically and put my hands up as a sign of peace.

"I'm so sorry Jo," I forced out, "I don't know what came over me..."

"It's fine, just-just stay away from me ok?" He voice barely made any noise, her vocal chords, bent from my arms contact. In that moment I felt probably the worst I'd ever felt. That was until the police stormed through the threshold and hand cuffed me.

They must have called the police when Jo left the room. Rightfully so too. I deserved to go to jail. I was a horrible person. No doubt about it. That's why when I was shoved into the back of the police car I just smiled.