Costco Kisses

Breakups upon breakups

My life was shit. Absolute, shit. There was no other way of looking at it. As I watched Tajon walk away and get into his car I felt like shit. When I realized Miriam was still in the police station and that I'd have to deal with her I felt like shit. When I realized that Allison was in there too and that I had used her as revenge and Tajon didn't even know I felt like shit. And when I realized Naliyah and I were literally fucking orphans now I felt like absloute shit.

I don't know what went through my mind when I hobbled back into the police station and sat down away from the two girls waiting for me to wait for Naliyah wh was being questioned.

I just sat, hands in my lap, and stared at the ground, trying to rid my mind of everything I was feeling. I glanced up and saw Miriam and Allison sitting across the hallway and looking at me. Miriam looke timid, a look I'd never seen on her and Allison looked at me with hope in her eyes.

Instead of dealing with either of them first I just let them come to me. First to stroll over was Miriam.

"Hey," she whispered as she sat one seat away from me. Probably smart to stay away, I didn't know what I was capable of doing anymore.

I didn't respond and just looked at her with tired eyes.

"So obviously you hate me now..." she paused hoping I would deny her claim but I just looked at her and waited for her to continue. "Well I just wanted to say, what I did was wrong and shitty and overall horrible and I understand if you never want to see me again."

"If you understand so well, then why the fuck are you still here." I spat toward her as she stared at me with shocked eyes. Her expression changed from shock to sadness as she swallowed the lump in her throat and tears welled in her eyes. Her vision blurred and her heat hot, she bit her lip and stood up.

"Ok then, I'll leave." She went to turn around and walk through the door when she turned back around, her black eye makeup smearing down her face even more. "But I want you to know that no matter what I'll always be here for you, you might hate me now but if you ever need me I'll be there for you."

And with that theatric she pushed open the tinted doors letting streams of light into the small waiting corridor and left. Allison came and sat down right next to me and I couldn't help but feel like a shitty person.

She put her arm around my shoulders and I leaned in, needing any physical contact I could manage. I was so not into Allison in this way but I needed her to be there because no one else was anymore. I was now an orphan and I had no idea what I was going to do next.

Then, Naliyah walked out from behind the front desk and the police officer asked for me to come into the back for questioning.

The car ride home was disturbingly quiet. I couldn't help but think that it was somewhat my fault that Gary had died. Naliyah and I sat close to eachother in the backseat as Allison drove and as I held her I felt like dying myself.

If I hadn't dated Tajon I wouldn't have caused any grief between my dad and I. And if Tajon wasn't around I wouldn't have gotten into the argument about cigarettes and my dad wouldn't have heard and he wouldn't have broken my leg and then he wouldn't have came to see me at the hospital and he wouldn't have killed himself.

My stupid teenage choice to date a boy who I knew was bad for me had caused his death. Not to mention, Tajon as a distraction kept me from all my college aps and I didn't get into any colleges. None at all. My life was just being flushed down the toilet and I had no control anymore.

When we arrived at my house it felt like a century since I'd seen it. Allison dropped us off and said where she'd be it we needed her. There it stood, same as it ever has, not changing despite everything around it. On my doorstep was the duffel bag I had left in John's car, they had dropped it off for me. Inside it was my phone. I'd been so distracted in the past few days I hadn't even noticed I didn't have my phone.

Naliyah opened the door and the livingroom was trashed. The coffee table was broken and the frame of the family on the wall was smashed. Naliyah chuckled darkly and explained simply that Dad had kind of lost his shit when I left the house. Luckily she had escaped his wrath.

The atmosphere of the whole house was off, with just us and no one else, it felt empty and sad but that wasn't what I was worried about right now. I was just trying to find a surface to pass out on. This day had been way too emotionally draining and I need some time to just sleep.

"I'm gonna go sleep for a while, ok?" I said in Naliyah's direction and started up the stairs. "We'll talk about what we're going to do when I wake up ok?"

I thought I heard some confirmation from her so I continued up the stairs into my bedroom. The place where it all started. I layed down on my bed when suddenly my heart started beating out of my chest and I couldn't control my breathing.

It felt like I was having a heartattack and I pushed myself off the bed to curl up on the ground. I had no idea what was happening but all of the sudden I felt my chest tighten and I blacked out.