The Scars Within

The Past

Ricca sets the razor back onto the counter, and walks towards me. She stops in front of me, but I don't look at her. My arms are crossed, and my gaze is focused on the floor. Ricca gently grabbed one of my hands and pulled me to the bed. She made me sit down, then took a seat right next to me.

Then, Ricca started talking in a calm, almost whisper of a voice. "Carmin, could you look at me? Please?" Slowly, I raised my eyes to look into hers. To my surprise, I didn't see the emotions I thought I would in her eyes. I expected to see pity, sadness, and probably a little bit of scorn. Instead, her eyes only showed understanding. "Don't worry Carmin. I'm not going to scold you for it or anything. That wouldn't accomplish anything. I'm also not going to question why, because I'm sure you wouldn't tell me anyway. I just want to tell you something before you get all defensive on me, alright?" I nodded my head, and Ricca smiled in response. "Good. Now, where should I start?" After thinking for a few moments, Ricca begins her story.

"I guess that the beginning is always a good place to start, right? Anyway, I'm going to let you know right now that Quentin and Adeline aren't my real parents. I was adopted shortly after I turned 10. Before they adopted me, I lived in a small, overcrowded orphanage on the border between Ontario and Quebec. We only spoke English there, which is why I don't have an accent." She stopped for a moment to smirk at me. "You can't fool me, I'm sure you were wondering about the accent. Anyway, I was the youngest kid in the place. That meant I was at the bottom of the food chain. I always got stuck with the most chores, I ate last, and I didn't have my own bed. It sucked, but it was better than living outside by myself. I don't know what happened to my real parents, but Quentin and Adeline say that my life would've been much worse living with them. I also got bullied a lot at the orphanage. Since I was smaller than most other kids my age, the others thought there was something wrong with me. Plus, since the orphanage was really poor, I got sick a lot. The windows and walls were drafty, so the thin blanket I had didn't keep me very warm. The other kids would call me 'Whiny Tiny' or 'Sickly Midget' and stuff like that. As I got older though, I got stronger. One day, one of the oldest kids in the place tried taking the little bit of food I had gotten. Needless to say, I didn't appreciate that very much. So, I punched him in the face. I got in trouble, but it was totally worth it to see the kid cry. After that day, I was known as the troublemaker of the orphanage. No one messed with me, and I didn't talk to anyone. That lasted until Quentin and Adeline adopted me."

With wide eyes, I interrupt the story. "You don't seem like a troublemaker though. You're one of the nicest people I know!"

Laughing, Ricca says, "I'm sure I am. I'll tell you why that is in a bit. Now, hush up and let me continue my sob story, alright?" After seeing me nod my head once again, she continues. "Once all of the paperwork was done, I was officially a Willow. They brought me back to their house in Toronto. It was on the outskirts of the city, so it wasn't very busy. That was the same day I met my new big brother, Abel. He was 14 at the time, and thinking back on it he was such a scrawny kid. A lot like how he acts with you, he didn't seem to like me very much. We never talked more than a few words per day. A few weeks later, I started 5th grade. Abel was in 9th grade at the time. I had a little bit of an education in the orphanage, but I was still a bit behind the other kids. As I'm sure you can guess, this led to bullying. Eventually, I caught up to, and even passed most of my classmates, but they still bullied me. This went on for about four years. Somewhere along the way, I started cutting, a lot like you, Carmin. Abel had already graduated, but he decided to stay home for a year before going to college. One day, I was up in my room, and I was about to cut my wrist. Just before I made the cut, Abel came walking in. He saw what I was about to do and stopped me. He didn't say anything, he just held me. Eventually, he said, 'Please don't do that Ricca. I know it may not seem like it, but I do care about you. You are my little sister after all. Why didn't you tell me? I would've helped in any way you needed me too.' So, I told him everything. I told him about my time in the orphanage, the teasing and bullying at school, everything. Abel didn't say anything through the whole story, but afterward he helped me get through it. He helped me stop cutting and helped me talk to Mom and Dad. Abel was the one who broke down my walls and killed the 'tough girl' side of me. He showed me that it's okay to be weak every once in awhile. Just like he said he would, he helped with everything" Pausing for a moment, Ricca takes a deep breath before continuing.

"That's actually why we moved here. All of us went to the school to try and stop the bullying, but the teachers all said that I provoked the other students and that I wasn't the bullied, but the bully. After that, we packed up and moved here. It worked for Abel as well because there are a lot more college options here in the U.S. than Canada. That's how we met, Carmin. So, I guess you could say it's a good thing I started cutting. Without it, we wouldn't have met." Once she finished her story, Ricca smiled wide. I didn't know what to say. She had been through so much, yet she was able to keep on smiling.

"Wow Ricca. I had no idea."

"That's understandable. I don't like to talk about it to people I don't know. I feel like I can trust you with this though." We sit in silence for a few moments. "I'm not going to push you into telling me why you started cutting, but I want you to know that I'll always be here for you when you need me, just like when Abel was there for me. Just... promise me you'll stop the cutting, alright? I know first-hand how difficult it can be, but it would mean a lot if you would promise me." She looks at me, tears welling in her eyes.

With tears in my own eyes, I say, "Of course I'll promise Ricca. I can't guarantee that I'll stop immediately, but I'll try. Okay?"

"That's fine with me." For the next few hours, we just lay on my bed, looking at the ceiling. No words are exchanged, but it isn't awkward. In fact, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know that sounds cliché, but it really does.

"Hey Carmin?"

"Yea Ricca?"

"I think you and Abel would make a cute couple."Sitting up in the bed, I stare down at her in shock.

"You what?!"