7:44AM 22/09/2013
Well, I got no sleep... Too much on my mind.. I did remove a lot of the work I had on Wattpad, Reason?
I had no use for it I'm too into this Journal writing ... I'm glad I got to see the person I love, it takes my mind off everything else for awhile, I was telling this man about when I ended up in a hospital ... Because I wanted to give up on this life I live, I was telling him how I was walking down a busy street with my arms bleeding, me bleeding out ...wanting to throw away it all... The reason I'm still here, still trying to be happy, because the pain didn't hurt, it didn't feel like I thought it would ... Do you know the feeling of walking down a street FULL of people and no one even notices you...? Like your a ghost? That was me ... I had tears coming from my eye ....Knowing no one did a thing makes me feel the same as I did the same day, I was put in the Hospital .... I walked myself in, I could hardly speak...That day my entire life changed.... here's the thing, I couldn't go home, I felt as if I didn't have one to go back to ... the same day it was raining and I stood in the middle of a field ... as I watched the thunder and lighting .... After that I started to feel very weak and my arms felt numb.. I still don't know why to this day I walked into the Hospital .... but whatever I'm here now, I try to write to feel happy but it doesn't always work Now I watch life fly by, I walk the same path I did that day, walking down the same street looking around trying to remember how I felt and WHY I ended up doing what I did, It's now 8Am the one thing that keeps me going in this life-time I'd have to say my writing and music, I don't know much else on my mind ... The fact that most people would look at me and be scared changes much, not because I look like I'd kill you in a minute but because I don't smile, I don't care to But it's been like that for awhile, but that's another story for another time, that's all for now.-A.B.
