Old Love Dies Hard (spinoff of life happens)

Chapter XIII - Starting Over?

Demented
Disoriented
Solitary yet accompanied

That is what my brain feels right about now, and as for my heart, the usefully useless organ.

It's beating at a rate of knots
It feels rapturous
Like it can move all the mountains set down by its enemies.
Like it can probably fracture my rib.

I look around my room, my own space, and suddenly, everything seems dull, like the sun has listened to me and actually stopped burning.

The recurring feeling of trepidation embraces me like an old friend and I find comfort in it's excruciating and familiar feeling.

My chest feels hollow and my mind sweeps over a zillion things.
My whole body tingles with fear and consternation.

How am I going to face him?
Will he hate me?

I have built this life for me and he doesn't get to ruin it.
He doesn't get to shake the foundation of the new person I have become.
The person who I absolutely loathe but who I have become used to.
I fought with my own self day and night to become who I am today.

If I take one step outside of this haven of mine then awkwardness will be waiting for me with confetti in it's hands.

And if I don't then the rhythm of Mason's constant knocking will be imprinted in my mind forever.

"Please open the door and tell me what's wrong, please"
His voice has a different tone, it's a mixture of sympathy and confusion.

"Can...can you please send Rose or Kim inside?" I finally manage to choke out

"Yeah..umm...of course"
He clearly wasn't expecting me to answer.

The door of my room opens and Rose steps in
"Hey" she says and sits on the edge of the bed

"Hey" I reply

"Rose I..I came back upstairs because...I just.."

"Because you felt like crying"
She completes my sentence and I nod

"But I can't cry, I won't. I'm not that weak" I shake my head

"You can honey, but it takes time. Crying doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. A human that has felt pain with all their flesh and bone"
Oh no, not this crap again.

"Anyway the problem right now is that I can't face Mason, Rose. It's too much. I know who I am now and I know it will break his heart. I don't want that" I say and she just quietly listens. "What Fatima said was wrong, this is a bad idea."
Darn my stupid feelings!
This is me and I shouldn't want to change myself because of him.
Why do I care if it breaks his heart?

Because you love him!

Platonically

"No no" Rose says while putting her hand on mine, trying to comfort me "it's not bad, it's a great idea. I think this crying thing was meant to happen since you met him after five years. Maybe you should give him another chance. Maybe you can start fresh, if that's what you want." I nod
"God I can't believe what I'm saying but if I tell you to do something else, you'll do this anyway. So this is the best option" she adds, still kind of unsure about what she just said.

Maybe Rose is right, maybe I can get him to see that I am not so bad after all.
I might not be like before but I'm not that bad either.
I chuckle sarcastically and shake my head at how stupid I sound.
It's never going to happen.
Never.
But I will give it a try

"Thanks Rose. I'll be right down" I say and hug her

"You're always welcome" she hugs me back and goes outside.

Dear God, I can only hope this goes well!

It is so weird to see Mason after such a long time especially after so much has changed.
I get up and look at myself in the mirror to see if I look presentable.

I snort at myself, why wouldn't Mason be disappointed in me?
You know how the day changes into night?
How the bright sky is replaced by a dark one?
That is exactly what has happened to me.
I am a whole different person and truth be told, I am not even pleasing to my own eye.
My glowing brown skin is now dull brown and my long hair are now cut till my shoulder.
I have also shrunken in size, seriously, I'm underweight for my age. Funny.
The worst part, that the whole world has pointed out, my smile isn't the same.
I laugh, and it's hollow.
I smile, and it doesn't reach my eye.
I have lost my cheerfulness.
I take a deep breathe and hesitantly tip toe outside.

I reach the lounge and look around but there is no sign of Mason.

I plop on the couch, rubbing my temples and preparing myself for the conversation which is about to come .
I hear footsteps, like a distant tune and I know exactly who it is.

"Hey gorgeous" Mason says, smiling his captivating smile.

"Hey handsome" I say and gesture for him to sit down.

"Look Mason, I'm really sorry for...you know" I say but he shakes his head

"It's completely fine"

"Thank you. Now there is something I'd like to talk to you about" I say as I prepare myself for the conversation that I've been avoiding since a long time.

"I don't like the sound of that but go on, Amna" he says and I flinch at the sound of my name.

"Okay so first of all please don't call me Amna, call me Amelia"
His expression changes quite noticeably and he just clears his throat.

"Second of all, Mason I know you know that I didn't run up to my room without any reason."
He just stays quite and listens
"And I know you are dying to know the reason" he smiles and for a little moment I forget what I want to say.

Maybe you shouldn't even tell him this and just say something funny so you can see him smiling, OR you could hug him again. That doesn't sound so bad!

No! No! No!

"Umm...Mason life happened. These past five years weren't all rainbows and sunshine, they were the absolute worst and now...now I am just not the same person. I have changed and I really hope you understand that" I vocalize

"I..I don't know what to say Amelia" he says and gulps  "can I still call you broccoli?"

Seriously? Out of all the questions he can ask, he chooses to ask me this?

"Although I do hate broccoli now, you can call me that" I say "only you" I smile

"Amelia, about the whole starting over thing, I am sorry but I can't...I can't wrap my head around it" he says, his voice is clearly bitter when he says Amelia which makes me flinch more than when he called me Amna and that, to me, is speaking volumes.
Volumes that I don't like.

"Okay" is all I can manage to say.

I know him, I know this stupid idiot.
I know he is thinking that I'm just bluffing and I am truly terrified of the time when he find out that I actually have changed and I know it wouldn't take him long to do that.
We sit in silence for a few moments, contemplating various unspoken things.

"Everything okay in here?" Kim says as she enters and I see that she is followed by Rose

"I hope" I whisper

"So ladies" Mason says, rubbing his hands "how does dinner sound?" He asks and Rose and Kim reply with a very lady-like
'Yes'

Mason looks at me.
"Sounds perfect" I say and manage to smile weakly.
I hope it is as good as it sounds.

Sure

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I wonder, have we ever seen Mason and Amna fight?
No, right?
Well then the next chapter is going to be BOMB!
I'll see you with the next chapter, next week.
Please don't forget to vote and comment