Old Love Dies Hard (spinoff of life happens)

Chapter XX - The Truth (1)

You're probably going to hate me for at least a week after this

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When you're crying its of two types
You either want to curl up in a ball and cry until your head hurts, your nose is blocked and until you start to feel you're being eaten up
Or
You want to shout and kick your legs and punch a wall or a person or cut something and just be violent.

Right now what I'm feeling is a lot more. I want to scream and tell the world what a coward I am, how I let such a small thing stand in the way of me and Allah.
Stand in the way of everything.

When I entered this room to clean it up, I was going to be out of here in ten minutes but now it's just as dark outside as I'm feeling on the inside.
The moonlight is shining on my shaking hands, I've always hated moonlight.
Nobody is home yet and I'm alone, with my thoughts which make me want to drown in a bucket of water.

Every speck of dust in the air hums with me, some hum with despair and others with joy.
I smile dolefully as another tear streaks down my cheek, joining the dry river of those which are already tired of mourning.

The door creaks open and a bit of light shines in which doesn't help my headache and makes me groan.

Mason walks slowly, like he's afraid of me. I wouldn't blame him. I'm scared of myself too because somewhere deep inside of me, I am aware that I'm capable of much worse than what I put myself through.

"Amelia, w- what-" he doesn't get to complete his sentence as he takes the book out of his hand and sits on his bed with a 'thump', putting the book on his bedside table.

"It's Amna" I whisper.

"Yes, yes it is" he smiles and sits down on the floor. I sit down too, opposite of him.

"Why is this in your room?" I ask

"I-I didn't want you to find out this way. I really didn't but-" he takes in a sharp breathe "5 years ago you told me that the Quran was what made you happy, what made you feel relaxed and I just-" he's clearly at a loss of words and my heart swells with happiness.

"Thank you Mason" I whisper again. I don't trust my voice tonight.
He gapes at me, clearly not expecting this reaction.

"Do you want to know?" I ask.
I really want to tell him.
This is the guy who was reading the Quran because he thought that if he could learn something from it he could try to lure me towards Allah again and he thought that coming back to where I felt comfortable would bring me back, so I think I'm ready to tell him what happened. I'm not scared of anything anymore.
I feel like I can finally escape the prison of my brain.

"If you want to tell me you can but if you don't want to then I won't bother you" he says, his voice thick with purity.

I take a deep breathe.
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay" I whisper quietly to myself.
My hands shake uncontrollably and tears recklessly flow down my burning eyes, causing another blow to my aching head.

Mason shifts, he moves closer.
"Sshhh" he whispers "Its okay, baby. You can do this. I'm here"
I cry harder and he lets me.
Dear God, it's been so so long since I've cried!

"I- I" I clear my throat "came to Canada some months after I came back from America. Our whole family moved here and I started studying here, I loved it and it was amazing but my family wasn't very happy here so they had to leave but I wanted to stay here so after a lot of talking and arguing they decided that I could stay here." I pause for a moment as all that happened flashes in my mind like a horror movie
"They helped me find a house near campus because all the dorms were full by then. Luckily I found this house and it was a win win since there were two girls already living in here. Everything was fine until-" I pause again.
Shutting my eyes tightly