Old Love Dies Hard (spinoff of life happens)

Chapter XVI - Does Mason Rogers Have A Girlfriend?

I shut the door behind me and take a huge breathe.

Beads of sweat trickle down my forehead despite the air conditioner being switched on.

Today was...overwhelming in more than one way.
It just reminded me of how things used to be.

On our drive back home I noticed something:
Mason was particularly excited when we were passing a carnival.
I asked him if he wanted to go there tomorrow and his response was:
"A carnival. That's perfect"

It was just a deja vu of what I said when he told me about the carnival we went to five years ago.

Man! That carnival! One freaking day that is imprinted on my mind forever.

But there was something different about the way he said it, like he got hit with an idea.
Sure, there was no light bulb on top of his head or something but I know him.

And I know deep down that this idea is going to be something I'm not going to like.

I sigh again and walk over to my bed.
I open my phone and scroll through Instagram, snapchat and laugh when I see that Fatima sent me a snapchat of her and mama dancing to the radio.
I miss them so much and that includes papa.

It's funny, really, all my life I couldn't wait till I was grown up and then maybe I could live with them.
I yearned for them.
Now that I'm an adult, I still yearn for them.
But I can't, I can't have them here. I can't have them telling me that my experiences shouldn't define who I am, because they do. The past two years have shaped me into the loathsome person that I am today and I can't get out of it, maybe I don't even want to.

I lock my phone and rub my temples.
What the hell?
Why the hell is everything reminding me of my weaker, more stupid, more naive, previous self?

I see a notification on my phone.
It says:
YouTube: Mason Rogers uploaded a video - One Woman Man (cover)

How did he upload a video when we just came back?

Are you legitimately asking that question?

Yeah.
I sometimes surprise myself by how dumb I am.

I swipe right and close my eyes as his voice fills my ears.

He is so good at singing! And I love that he's happy with what he's doing.
The way the lyrics just flow out of his mouth and the little crease in his eyebrows while he tries to focus on the song.
I just missed him so much.
I've probably said this about a thousand times but I still think it's not enough.

And who else do I miss?
I miss myself.

I absolutely hate admitting this but I want to go back to who I was.
The only problem is, the walls I've built around myself are so thick that even I don't know how to break them.
I've become so used to this new me that I don't even remember what Amna was like.
I don't even freaking remember what being actually happy is like.

I am only a little bit close to being happy when I'm with.....Mason!

Effing hell!
It's like my life is a circle and everything keeps spinning back to him.

Without even realizing it, he's breaking down the walls I've been building for the past year.
Without even realizing it, he's crawling back into the space in my heart that I filled with so much effort and pain.
Without even realizing it, maybe I'm letting him back into my heart.

But this time seems so different. We're both a bit mature than we were 5 years ago and I'll never look at any guy and not think of.... bad people.