The Sun [Book 3] (Adam Levine FanFic)

Chapter 29

-Whiskey's P.O.V.-

It's been almost a month since Tina's wedding. It's actually kind of weird, I never thought the hippie and the diva would get married but somehow they balance each other out.

I wish Adam and I were like that, but I don't even know if he really does still love me. He doesn't look at me the same way anymore. When I look him in the eyes, it seems like looking across the ocean. All I see is hurt and pain and a broken soul. I wish he looked at me the way he looks at Sydney. He hasn't touched me, but even after all this trauma, I think just a simple 'I love you too' would do.

Adam walks into the breakfast nook, with some sweatpants and a sweater on. I smile at him and push a coffee filled mug towards him as he sits down in front of me. 

"Thank you," He says, wraping his cold fingers around the warm mug. We sit there drinking our coffee as we watch the sun come up on the other side of the window. Yesterday Sydney went with Simon to spend the night and go to Disneyland today, so Adam and I are free this weekend. 

Moments pass in silence, we're too scared to say anything. The sound of unspoken words in the air mock us.

-Adam's P.O.V.-

As I watch the sun come up, as I drown in my thoughts. How can I, such a screwed up person, be able to live and love such a magnificent person. What did I do to have such a beautiful woman in my life? She's had so many opportunities to be with guys worthy of her and yet, she always chooses me. I feel broken beyond repair. I don't think I'll ever be able to love her the way she deserves to be loved, physically and emotional. I can't function on my own anymore, like she's my crutch. Do you know how humiliating that is? It's not suppose to be like that, I'm suppose to support her. I want to support her, but I'm so emotionally weak I can barely support myself.

I look at her and she has one hand on her belly and the other on her coffee cup, with her eyes fixed on the horizon. I'm so happy that she's having my baby, probably my last, but still, I don't think anyone could be a better mother than her.

She turns to me,"Adam, do you love me?"

"Of course I do," I say softly. I'm not sure I like where this is going.

She eyes drift down to her cup,"Then tell me you do?"

"I just did."

She looks up and shakes her head,"You don't look at me the same anymore. I know what happened was... a lot. But you never stopped looking at Sydney the same way. I could see your genuine love for her. But with me…"

"Whiskey, I don't want to talk about this," I say, my eyes drop down to my lap.

"Adam, please, tell me you love me. Hell you don't even touch me the same way, like every time we come into contact, you tuck yourself into a shell," She says, her voice mixed with sadness and frustration.

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" I yell, my eyes closed and my fists clench. I close them tighter and tighter until my nails dig into my palms and I release with a sigh.

"I'm going to go take a shower," I say getting up and gliding to the room. Once I get into the bathroom I stand there frozen in front of the mirror. I look a lot better now, I have some meat on my bones but I'm still lean. I still have bags under my eyes but they aren't as bad as they were. But my face has never worried me, even beat up, my face somehow refused look bad. What I hate about showers now is having to look at the rest of my body. Most of the torture was psychological, but there was one or two that scarred my body. I reach and pull off my shirt and I just stare at my reflection. My upper chest is devoid of muscle now, and I have a scar in the shape of an x over my heart, with a couple other little scars on my torso, mostly from rope burn. My fingers go from scar to scar in order that I got them. A tear escapes as I realize that no one could possibly love someone with so many scars, on my body and in my mind. Slowly I step out of my sweat pants and choke on my tears. I... I... I can't even look at myself below the waist. It's so humiliating, and living in this body now is torture in it's self. I'm suppose to on tour with the band in about week or so but how am I going to do it feeling like this. I feel like I'm totally useless. Like I'm no longer the man I was. The strong, debonair man that I was. I cry in my girlfriends arms, I'm weak and I can't love her the I want to.

-Whiskey's P.O.V.-

The shower hasn't turned on for almost thirty minutes and I start to worry. He's emotionally and mentally unstable, I don't want him to try anything that would take him away from me for good. I tiptoe silently  through the hallway and into the bedroom to the bathroom. I slightly open the door and see Adam's lean body standing in front of the mirror, his back is to me, but there are so many scars on his back and legs a gaspescapes my mouth. I don't remember ever seeing those in the cabin.

He turns his head and we lock eyes, I can see horror in his eyes, as he reaches for the robe and throws it on.

"Get out! Get out!" He shouts, his eyes closed and his finger pointing in my direction. I push open the door and curiously step towards him. Tears are running down his cheeks. I reach out and wipe his cheek. His arm drops to his side and he turn his head away.

"Baby, I'm not leaving you," I say. 

I take off his shirt that I'm wearing and turn on the shower and walk back to Adam,"Honey, come on, take the robe off so we can shower."

I slip out of my panties and bra and look at Adam. He's wrapped his arms around himself with his eyes closed tight, but it doesn't stop him from sobbing.

"Adam, love, please take the robe off so we can shower," I whisper gently. He shakes his head, but I place a hand on his arms and lower them. What is he trying to hide?

"no, no. you're not going to like what you see," He whispers, barely audible.

I continue to lower his hands until they are at his side and I start to slowly take off the robe, and as it falls to the ground, Adam turns his head away, and I gasp at what I see. I start to tear up, but I stop myself before it goes over the rim.

Adam looks at me, and must see the sorrow and pity in my face,"I told you."

I look back at Adam, and smile with tears in my eyes,"Adam, I love you for your personality, who you really are. I love everything about you. I love that you didn't give up when you had every right too. I love that as weak as you think you are, you are the strongest person I know. Most people would have ended it when they had the chance, but you held on. You are the most beautiful person I know."

Disbelief and bewilderment are painted on his face as he registers what I just said. I can't believe I was so selfish and blind to the fact that Adam is the one who needs to be loved. I run my fingers over each scar and I place a gentle and loving kiss on each one.

"Whiskey," Adam whispers ever so gently. I look up to his eyes, and yes, they're red with tears, but they've changed. His eyes no longer have the glazed distance they once had. There's a new warmth in them. There's love in them. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then his soul is slowly peicing itself together.

He lifts my chin up, and gently presses his lips against mine and whispers,"I love you."

His arm wrap around me and he presses my body against him. I love the way it feels pressed up against him. Like it's were I belong. But something in my gut warns me that the worst isn't over yet.

I push it to the back of my mind as the steam engulfs Adam and me.