Drowning

Rainey Day

I had been waiting to hear from Emmett for the last hour, having gotten up an hour before that to make sure I was ready when he decided to come over. It was almost lunch time and I assumed he was going to pick me up and we would just go out. I know that he hung out with Joey last night, so they must have gone to a bar. That didn't bother me; it just had me a bit worried that I hadn't heard from either of them. I know that Emmett wouldn't do anything stupid like drive drunk, but I still fretted over it while I waited to hear from him.

It was another thirty minutes until I heard a knock at the door. I was crossing my fingers that it wouldn't be Mark when I opened it and found myself face to face with Emmett, except that he wasn't looking at me, but instead his shoes. "Hey," I said, trying to convey that I wasn't upset with him for taking so long, "you ready for lunch?" I figured I would act as if everything went to plan, that way we could be over any apologies and get on with the day. Except that Emmett didn't look up and smile, grabbing my hand and lead me to his car. No, instead, he stayed rooted in place examining the concrete and asked if we could go inside, still talking to the ground. "I just went to the grocery store yesterday, so I'm sure I can make something." I wasn't sure what was going on exactly, I just knew that Emmett wasn't in a great mood and I was going to try and change that.

"Grace, I'm not hungry." I put down the box of pasta I had just grabbed and turned around. Emmett had finally looked up, but the edges of his eyes were red, and his usually bright blue irises were now a dull shell of their norm. His hair looked very disheveled and forgotten. "Long night?" I asked, still holding onto a shred of hope that this was something we could resolve quickly. I didn't know what had happened, but I'm sure a cup of hot chocolate and a raspberry Danish from The Bakery would help. I was about to suggest this when Emmett brought me back from my own thoughts. "I need to talk to you," he looked down at the floor again. "I don't think we should keep doing this."

I don't know why I did it or how I managed it, but I straightened my back and balled my fists. This was not something I saw coming, and although it hurt, I wasn't about to show it. "'This'?" I mocked him, motioning between the two of us as I talked. "What is 'this'?" He swallowed and lifted his head slightly. "We weren't ever going to work, Grace. Six months is too long and we're both too busy to worry about each other." His words hurt. They hurt like hell, but I wouldn't break that easily. He was refusing to show any type of remorse for what he was saying, so I followed his lead and kept a stern expression. "I thought it was." I said plainly, already slipping into a very monotonic voice. I couldn't believe this was happening now. Only three days after I met his father and everything seemed to be going uphill. "Emmett, what the hell happened last night?" "Nothing happened, Grace." He said my name like a disease, making me feel pretty shitty at this point. What did I do?

"Well then explain this." I waved my hand around, trying to portray how ridiculous it all was. "I can't do that." "What do you mean you can't? Give me your reasoning as to why we can't be together." "Dammit Grace! I'm not dealing with this! We're done, alright? Once I'm off on my deployment you can go back to studying your life away for the amazing career ahead of you, and I can get back to wasting my life away in the Navy." He walked towards the door, keeping his head down and only meeting my eyes when he cursed at me. I was waiting for him to look back, but he never did.

* * * * * * * * * *

You know what sucks? It was a Sunday. Emmett decided to pull this shit on a Sunday. It was even raining outside. We should have spent the day in my room watching out of the window seat drinking something warm. Instead, I was sitting alone with a spiked apple cider sulking in self pity. I didn't even remember everything that happened when he came over earlier, but I did remember the main point of the visit, and that was that Emmett had become tired of my crap and decided to end it before he got too far into it. The thing that didn't make sense, though, was his reasoning, which was almost non-existent. He made it sound like I had always looked down on him for being in the Navy, but I had conveyed on multiple occasions how much respect I had for the armed forces, and never failed to thank him, or anyone else, for their service when I was thinking about it.

Another thing he said that didn't add up was him making it seem as though I thought myself above him, and would only see him as a burden later in life. When he told me about going back to school, I was excited because I thought that that was what he wanted to do, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe he thought that the only way to ensure my staying was to promise me something he thought would please me. He acted as if I was the one without reason, but I didn't understand half of what he told me.

The main thing that kept coming back to me was my father. I had told Emmett so much about my past, maybe it had become too overwhelming and he couldn't stand the weight of it. Hell, I could barely hold it on my own shoulders, even with Mark taking more than his fair share.

Emmett made our relationship sound like it meant nothing. He didn't even use an adjective when talking about why it wouldn't work. He had no description for it, only contempt. I thought that what he had was going pretty well. We seemed to fit perfectly since the start, after I got to know him a little better at least. The only person that might make some sense from this would be Joey, since he was with Emmett last night, but I wasn't exactly in the position to be knocking on their door.

I finished the cup of cider and was walking into the kitchen to make another when I spotted something on the counter. I walked closer to it and realized I had left the Twizzlers out for Emmett to see when he walked in. I felt tears prick my eyes and threw the bag of red candy across the room, wishing it would just disappear. I had allowed a few salty droplets escape, and that opened the flood gates for the rest. It was only natural to cry, I told myself as I sat on the floor of the kitchen. It had only been a few months, but I realized they were the happiest months of my life. Emmett had come into my life so suddenly, and was gone just as quickly.

A clean break seemed to be his strategy, but here I was, sitting alone in my apartment, crying about some damn licorice. I wiped my eyes and stood up, refiling the cider and walking back into my room. I passed a mirror on the way and saw that I was wearing the necklace he had given me. I sat down in the window seat and rested my head against the glass, just enjoying the feel of the cold against my flushed cheeks, while I circled the pendant on the necklace between my fingers, wondering how long this was going to hurt.