Between You And Me

Well Fuck

       This has been an interesting three weeks so this might be a bit long. Let's start off with me asking my supposedly supportive parents to use male pronouns.
So I'm talking to my dad and we're having a deep conversation and shit then I asked him a simple yes or no questions — if he said no I would've completely understood — and it somehow it got to a point where I was being called selfish. . .selfish. Really? Are you fucking kidding me?
Then I'm in my parents room and my mom rants on and on about me being born a girl and how I'll always be their little girl and all that shit, but I keep repeating the same phrase in my head; don't let them manipulate you, don't let them manipulate you.
The three things that pissed me off was: They're always saying to be open with them, but then this shit happens, they said I'm being influenced from my internet friend, who isn't even fucking Trans or pan, and when they said I'd thank them one day for sending me away to the military. Thankfully they didn't call them.
I was really pissed and then they fucking decided "oh I don't want my child to be all sad so I'll force them to come to work." I. Was. Furious. We went to the usual motorcycle track, MSR, and spent most of my day in the club house.
I didn't do anything! I did nothing!
I didn't complain, I didn't make noise, I wasn't throwing a fit, I was quiet! I didn't say a word for almost two hours and apparently my mom thinks it's me throwing a god damn fit. "If you're gonna keep acting this way then I'll have your father send you away" is what my mom said to me.
I was about to grab a chair and throw it at a window, but no, I just sat there and didn't say a word. Then near the end of the day my mom decides to send me to the go kart track and force me to ride because apparently she thought it'd get my mind off of things.
On the way there I idiotically gave my brother a brief summary at what happened and he said I needed to snap out of it and stop bringing stress on my parents. On the first round I didn't go, but then my mom came in so I went on the second round. On my first lap I spun out and almost broke down, not because I crashed (/•ิ_•ิ)/ , but because I was still pulled down from the day before.
On the third lap I went fuck it and drove in early, stormed past my mom, and broke down in the restroom. Then at the end of the day I realized something: They were basically forcing me to pretend to be happy. They broke my heart and expect me to still be open with them, to trust them. No!
I can't avoid them, sadly, because I have to live with them and their bullshit, but what I can do is lie. If they ask me about personal shit I'll lie. If they ask me about my business with friends I'll lie. I'll lie.
Moving on to something a bit different. I was given a temporary phone, it was my grandpas, and I log back onto my kik and the first thing I see is: Your a faggot . That's all. Just: Your a faggot . I told my internet friend about it and let's just say that I saw a little peep of her angry side.
With all honesty here's what I wanted to do today: So I was walking my girlfriend to class and yada yada and then I see him in the hall way and I wanted to scream "HEY(name)WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU CALLING ME A FAGGOT?"(rhetorical obviously) Then I'd pull her in for a kiss and flip him off and then walk away.
BUT! My internet friend said I have nine days of school left and shouldn't say anything about it and I saw her point, though I was itching to do it(internet friend if you're reading this pls don't kill me. . .)
        Oh and I went shopping for some male clothes and I awkwardly asked my dad if I could shop in the men's section and he went on a five minute rant about how I'm a weirdo and I'm sitting there like (*￣з￣) K. I got three shirts and a pair of pants, but it's better than nothing.

        Changing the subject to a different topic. This week has been coming out pretty good. I painted words on me wall, the picture from the beginning shows them. On Monday I made up with a friend. I broke down for a little bit and we talked it out and I'm really happy about it.
        We're pretty close to moving to a new house and I find it funny that my internet friend is moving as well (o' ∇ 'o)ﾉ I was running back and forth because I wanted to show her the walls, but I also had to repaint. And to answer your question as to why my room is pink, my dad chose them out and I was in third grade so I was like sure?
         I wish I could ask people to use male pronouns and call me AJ, but AocmlwcpwmWLCLWAqalx everything's complicated. Oh god. I just now realized I have to use the girls gym next year. . .fuck. I'll try and see how I can work my way around that.