Timeless

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

            I was thankful I got in trouble for the door thing because I got sent to my room for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to...believe in anyone, I didn’t want to think there were other people in the world right now. I was the only one.

            But there were other people. Seven billion in fact. And they weren’t going to help me through this. So I had to help myself. I thought of the voices, the ones that I thought I was hearing. And they helped me, in their own special way, they helped me.

            I started cutting.

            Nothing my parents said would make me forgive them. They wouldn’t even tell me where Starburst was. London called me back. I didn’t answer. Pixie tried to call. I didn’t answer. I ignored the phone calls. I didn’t want to talk to any of my friends. My carrot-friends that I had begun to disregard like unfaithful regrets. I was worried, but with my family it’s either hide what you think or teach a class on what you think. There’s no middle area or way around it. Especially with my sister. It’s not like she said anything to begin with, but my sister was usually quite quiet when she wasn’t complaining about something. God, I missed her. What was happening to her right now? Was some therapist talking to her, lying, saying something like, “How does that make you feel? Can you explain coherently what these voices you speak of are saying? Mmhmm, yes.” And they’ll be nodding occasionally and writing random shit down, not really caring, just telling Starburst to pop pills every few hours or something, pretending they’ll be her confidante. And they’ll lock her in a bright, white room with no windows and a perfectly made bed and clock. I know what sick things they do to people who they think are sick.

            It’s essentially very easy to dismember a pencil sharpener. I sorta laughed when I realized what they were really used for. I can’t say it started out slow at first; new. Because it didn’t.

            Truthfully, I’d thought about cutting before. The idea, I mean. Before I met London, before Starburst was with Ethan, before any of that happened, I had thought about cutting. I’d seen Starburst do it so many times, and she had battled through so many obstacles. In the end, how hard could it be to start? I’ll answer that: Not hard at all.

***

            “Hunter, you need to eat,” my mother said for the tenth time that night. No, not eating. I don’t need food...

            “Hunter.”

            “I’m not hungry.”

            “That’s a lie.”

            “I ate before I came home.”

            “You must still be hungry.”

            “My stomach is hurting.”

            “Stop lying, Hunter.”

            “I’m allergic to this food.”

            “Hunter, that is enough!” My father deemed. No, enough will never be enough...

            “Is that what you said to Starburst when you sent her away? Is that what you tried to reason before you dropped her off at the mental hospital? ‘Oh Starburst, enough’s enough. You need help, enough with the voices Star.’” No one looked at me, they stared at their plates. Good. I excused myself.