Lily of the Valley

Chapter 14 | Lockdown

“Oh no!” I gasped as they announced on the intercom that the hospital is on lockdown.

“You have somewhere to be?” Tom asked as he sat down next to me on the floor. We were the only ones in the chair-less conference room.

“Yes, I most certainly have somewhere to be.” I said, not making eye contact. 

“I’m sorry, but it seems like we’re going to be stuck here for a while.”

I grunted, stood up, and paced. Mason was waiting for me, and i couldn’t even call him because i left my phone in the nurse’s lounge. 

“Do you remember the game we played when this happened a few years ago?” he suddenly asked.

“We were never on lockdown a few years ago.” I said with irritated voice.

“But we got stuck in the storage room.” I looked at him and saw his smile.

“No, I don’t remember.” I lied.

“Let me refresh your memory then.” And before I knew it, we were face to face, my hands in his. We were so close that I could feel his warm breath. His gray eyes glistened, and if i didn’t know any better, I would think they looked hopeful.

“I don’t think the players are supposed to be this close.” I said sarcastically.

“They’re not usually, but I prefer it this way.” 

“Well, I do not.” And I tried to pull my hands away, but he wouldn’t let go.

“I’m sorry.” He started, and I was speechless. I didn’t want him to bring it up. I didn’t want to ruin the makeup I put on for Mason. But even before I could speak, he went on: “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know where I was. I’m sorry I didn’t call, text, or write you. I’m so sorry I hurt you . . . I didn’t mean to. I was so caught up with my own problems, I didn’t know I was causing you pain.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, the first thing I could think of was pull my hands away, and go to the corner. It looked like I was on time-out for taking a cookie from the cookie jar. I just couldn’t face him. I’ve dreaded this situation ever since I came back to this hospital. 

And then I found my voice: “Tom, I was a mess when you left.” I slowly turned around so we were face to face again. “I was sad, hurt, shocked, worried, and scared when you left. But I was never mad at you. I was, and still am, mad at myself. I realized that I took you for granted. I just thought you would always be there to pursue me. I blamed myself for your leaving, and my friends didn’t like that.  They wanted to make me feel better so they put the blame on you, and they wanted me to do the same. They thought that would make everything good again.” 

I smiled a bitter smile, and so did he. “Your friends are right. I’m the one to be blamed, and not yourself. It’s good that they convinced you.” he said.

“Who said they did?” I laughed, but it sounded more like a sigh. “I’m a good actress, Tom. Don’t you remember?” We smiled at each other again, except this time, it was genuine. It was a nostalgic smile, remembering the time we acted out a short play for a patient.

“I made them think that I blame you for my misery; but I really don’t. When I saw you that day, and I gave you a cheek, I was just confused. I pretended that I blame you for so long, that I actually thought I do. The tears that I thought was because of anger, was actually tears of relief, and happiness. I was relieved to see that you’re alive, safe and sound. So, long story short: I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to apologize for anything.” I didn’t know if a smile was appropriate, but I smiled anyways.

He moved even closer to me and wiped the tears I didn’t even know was there. “Please don’t cry. You’ll smudge your make up.” he joked. I laughed, and gave him a playful smack on the arm.

“You haven’t changed one bit.” I said while wiping my cheeks.

“A good thing, I hope.” And he handed me a familiar handkerchief.

“You kept this?” I asked as I dab the cloth under my eyes carefully.

“Of course, you worked hard on that.”

“Yes, I worked hard on embroidering our illegible initials.” I scoffed, and unfolded the handkerchief to see the bad embroidery.

“We have so many good memories; I can’t believe I let myself forget all of them.” I said to both him and myself while looking at the piece of cloth. 

“I’m sorry I was not with you to add more to those memories.” he said, reaching for my hand.

“No...” I pulled my hand away. I regretted it the moment I saw his pained look.

“I’m sorry.” both of us said at the same time. We were quiet, afraid to break the silence. We were sitting on the floor, palms down on the cold, tiled floor. I was about to reach for his hands to make things better, but the doors opened, lights turned on, and two security personnels came.

I jumped up, straightened my clothes, and felt guilty for being caught in an empty room with a man, even though nothing happened. 

“Chief Parker, Ms. Holt.” They both acknowledged us and continued, “The lockdown has officially ended. We’re sorry for the inconvenience.” 

“Thank you.” again, we said it at the same time.

“I better get going, Mason’s waiting for me.” But even as I said it, I didn’t want to leave.

“Right. Let me walk you to the elevator.” he offered, and we walked out of the conference room. 

“I want to see you again, Karen.” Tom said with his serious voice.

“You will, I come back on Monday.” I said jokingly, mostly because I don’t fancy serious Tom very much.

“I meant outside of the hospital.” he looked me in the eye.

“Yes, I know. Why don’t we meet at my place?” I proposed, hoping he wouldn’t get scared off by my boldness.

He smiled, “Great! What time do you want me to come over?” 

“Probably late afternoon. The girls and myself have to finish up last minute details for Mel’s wedding.” I informed him.

“RIght, so I’ll see you at 4?” he asked.

“Sounds great.” I said.

“We have a lot of catching up to do.” 

“Yes, and we also need to talk about when you became the chief of Pediatrics!” I exclaimed as the elevator doors closed.