Lights, Camera, Action!

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

“We need to talk.” I heard my voice echo in his otherwise silent apartment.

“No. Don’t say that.” He rushed in front of me and took my hand, kissing the back of it lightly.

“Tyler I-” I started.

“Don’t do it. Please don’t.” he begged, looking intently into my eyes.

His eyes were still filled with tears. I couldn’t look him in the eyes any more so I shifted my gaze to the floor.

“It’s- it’s not … it’s not working out.” I said with a cracked voice.

“No baby, please don’t do this. Why are you doing this?” he asked. He sounded broken, completely broken.

I raised my hand to stroke his cheek.

“I love you. But I can’t stand back and see what this is doing to you… it’s not fair to you.” I said softly, biting back tears.

“I’m okay with it! It’s just temporary! You said so yourself!” he argued back, trying his best to put on a strong voice. But I could see right through that. I had broken his heart. And this was his attempt at fixing it. But I couldn’t fix it. No matter how much I wanted to, I can’t do this. It breaks me to see what I’ve made him go through. It breaks me to see the pain in his eyes. It breaks me to see just how much he’s trying to make this work. It breaks me to see how much he loves me. It breaks me…

“I don’t know how long it will go on for, Ty. I can’t be this selfish. I-I c-can’t do this t-to you.” I said, in between the sobs.

I didn’t dare look him in the eye, I wouldn’t be able to take it.

The moment I instructed myself, I disobeyed myself. I glanced up to see his face. His beautiful face, crumpled, hurt and devastated. He had endless tears running down his face.

I put my hand on either side on his face and brought it down, brushing my lips against his for the last time.

“I can’t not be with you, Jen. I love you. I’ve never loved anything as much as I love you.” Before I knew it, Tyler fell down on both his knees and hugged me by the waist. “Please, Jenny, don’t do this.” He said, lightly kissing my tummy.

“You’re still my best friend. I still love you. I always will. But I saw what that did to you Tyler and I cannot do it again. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” I begged, forcing his hands off my waist.

I crouched down next to him and put my hand on his cheek once again. I let my hand stroke his cheek and his neck before sliding it behind his neck. I crawled on my knees until I was THIS close to him.

He looked hurt and angry.

He put his hand behind my head and pulled me in for a strong passionate kiss. I felt like I was in heaven till realization hit me. But I couldn’t pull away. I didn’t want to. Just not so soon. I let him kiss me. I brought my hands back on either side of his face. I felt another tear run down his cheek till in hit my hand and collected between my fingers.  After a few moments he pulled away.

He rested his forehead on mine.

“Please.” He begged once again, looking deeply into my eyes.

“I’m sorry Ty…” I whispered, breaking eye contact.

“Well, then I should be going…” he said, getting up and wiping his tears away.

“But… this is your apartment.” I told him, still on my knees.

“Yeah… I need to go for a walk.” He said with a bit more control over his voice. He walked to the door and almost walked out when he turned to look at me.

“Jenny, please don’t be here when I come back. I’m sure we’ll be friends someday. Best friends, even… But I think we need to just take some time off from each other. I don’t see how I’ll ever get over you if I spend every day with you. I’m sorry.” He said in one breath and walked out, closing the door behind him.

That’s when I broke down completely. I felt incomplete, but for the first time in so long, I didn’t feel guilt. I freed him from a lot of pain he would face in the future. He didn’t see that now, but I’m sure he will someday.

I looked up at the door he had just walked out of. I felt like a bit of my heart had been scooped out and thrown away. I just lost the most amazing guy in the world. I just lost myself.